cheek-gnawing, knuckle cracking, fear inducing fear.
school, work, life, death;
don't sit too long, you'll start thinking.
work, always work,
work until you can't work anymore.
work until the fingers can't feel and your thoughts quiet down.
always keep busy
keep tapping your foot, bouncing your leg;
twist the ring once more.
nail marks in your palm,
heartbeat in your ears.
don't look them in the eyes.

the moment when your mood isn't just one feeling,
but every single emotion flowing through your veins at once.

the moment when you wonder if the world around you
can hear your rapid pulse
or smell your insecurity.
like a wolf stalking its prey,
waiting
to use its words, its fangs
tearing into your skin,
your disastrous mind.

the moment when you forget how to breathe
when breathing is what you need to do most.

No one could ever love
a girl with scars.
She's so ugly,
they just make her look
as broken on the outside
as she is on the inside.
She's already dead on the inside.
The forced smiles
and broken laughter...

She was the girl with
the drunken father and
the depressed mother.
The dysfunctional family.
The abusive brother.
The family of bullies.

She was the one who,
no matter how much she tried,
could not ignore it.
The girl who
sliced into the flesh
just to feel something.

You, my love,
Give me butterflies.
Since the day we met,
Every time I logged on,
They would do a
Dance around my stomach.

These butterflies, though,
Are not the kind I get when
I have to talk in front of the class .
These butterflies are the beautiful kind.

You, my love,
Make my heart race.
When you say those
three special words,
It beats faster and faster
And the excitement spreads to my face
As my lips curl into a smile.

This smile, though,
Is not the one I put on for
The people at school.
This smile is genuine happiness,
A smile which I rarely see anymore.

You, my love,
Are just that.
My love.
I love you.

Loneliness is not a disease,
it's a choice,
a gruelling way of sad life.