The sound of your voice
Saying sweet things
Still rings in my ears
Like the sound of blades to bucklers

The look in your eyes
That show me the universes in your soul
The ones I get in dimly lit parking lots
I miss that

Your hands
They tell me you trust me
When I hold them and when you hold me
Without caring if they're sweaty or not

Your cheeks
The way they grow warm
And they way they make you glow pink
My hands cup them almost perfectly
I wish I could hold them again

The feel of your lips
Smooth, pink, and velvety
My lips glide upon yours
I wish they would once more

I'm not going to lie
I've been missing you dearly
The way flies miss the window
Even if it's wide open

I wish I could hold you again
The way we hold each other when nobody is looking
How we hold each other
When we know nobody who sees us will care

One of these days

i'm soft
like a warm towel
fresh out the dryer
hold me until
i grow cold
and
warm me back up
again

i promise
i'll try
to be as warm
so I can keep
cupping your cheeks
comfortably

If you have to leave me
To complete your heart
Then run as fast as you can

If you have to hurt me
To heal yourself
I'll make you feel
Like I deserve it all

If you have to hate me
To find out who you are
Go right on ahead

Hold me, kiss me, **** me
Like you care
And I'll
Hold you, kiss you, and *******
Because I really do care

I wish you did

That's okay though

Hurt me,
And I'll thank you for it

Remember when you said you would love me forever?
Did you actually mean it?
All the I love yous in between the small kisses you gave me
Did you ever mean those?

I saw old pictures of us
Old videos too
Your eyes told me you loved me
But I don't know if there is a soul through those true brown windows of yours
(The ones that would glow in the golden hour light in your apartment)

When you told me you were leaving me,
Did you still love me?
What about when I kissed your icy lips after you told me you kissed him,
Did you still love me?
When I held your hand and you faked a smile,
Did you still love me?

You took everything I knew about love
And you spat on it
You took everything I knew about you
And you ruined it
You took everything I knew about myself
And now I'm searching for where you threw it

The way your head rests on my shoulder
Me kissing your hair as my hand travels from your hip, thigh, ***
Your hand grabbing mine to get me to scratch your back
Our eyes meeting and me kissing your forehead
I miss it

I remember asking you to sit up and look at me
I'll never forget how red your cheeks got before I kissed you
Right before we grabbed each others' faces to give our mouths a better look
Right before I grabbed your wrists to put them over your head

And it didn't matter
If we had milk tea-flavored lips

I have never seen your face up close in real life
Nor do I know how your skin feels touching mine
I can only imagine the smell of your hair and the feeling of your lips

I want to know how it feels like to have you in my arms
I want to know how it feels like to hold your hand for longer than ten minutes
I want to know how deep I can look into your dark eyes
And know how long it would take until you looked away

One a I'll hear your voice
One day I'll read my poems to you; and
One day you'll sing to me

But
Not
Digitally

I had nicotine flowing through my veins instead of blood last night
Indonesian cigarettes and grape vape juice does that you
Living becomes a case study on the fine line
Of your body and mind being both asleep and awake

I saw your face four times last night
Once under the dim lights of the outside of the bar
We smoked and you complained about how men make you feel
Once in the darkness of the bar, only being lit little by little by disco ball reflections
We drank and smoked Ares cigarettes and you told me to hurt your feelings
Once in the convenience store lights
We never really went in but the lights were bright enough to see the sadness in your eyes
After I did hurt you; and

Once in my car where you cried and I pleaded
Where I cried and you looked away
Where I told you I cared
Where I told you I loved you
But you wouldn't believe anything I told you
Where I saw the fires in your eyes reduce to embers and then into ashes

I brought you home and I went home
With the cold McDonald's that I bought to try to make us feel better
And I stopped for a moment on the side of the street
To try to fill my already aching stomach
Everything tasted burnt