sacred and naive
leafling
unadultered

leafling unaware

leafling you are untouched
and perfectly content

polluted just a phase

--

don't you dare bloom

don't you dare.

reaching
(slowly)
careful
gentle

don't wake the sleeping
don't shake the fearing

let all be soft
and still
and still

leave it be

to rest
to rest

and
i want you
as the rose bud
blooms

i know now
that
i want you

eyes
       wide and wanting.  
lips
       red and rushed.
      
reckless becomes my name
as you whisper carelessness in my ear-

you are everything i have ever wanted and more.

hands
cold and burning me everywhere you go,
‘can i see?’
and i would like to say yesnoyesno because that is what i feel but i stare at you instead with

eyes
       wide and wanting and where will this go?
and you turn me around and around and we are moving now, quicker than the stars on the edge of the universe.
and the universe is only one word today,
        
         you.

and you
        are next to me with your
lips
       all red and raw and perfect
and i want to ask if you really love me
but i don’t want to ruin this.
      
we
     are the curious youth,
drunk on the light of the moon against our arms
and adorned with the fascination of
skin on skin
and kisses returned
and a timeless embrace because

yes
     we don't know what we’re doing but
no
     i don’t want anything else.

he is everything
and i am something nice
to have whenever he’s got spare time.

he is the orbit and all of the above,
i am the forgotten shoe
decayed and aged
and lost

and i feel like i’m in his orbit
tumbling and turning
around him,
motion always around him
closer further closer further

and (i know) it’s wrong to feel lucky
when i get him for just a small moment
because shouldn’t he want that moment as much as i do?

it’s wrong to feel empty and
cold without him
because doesn’t that mean he makes up my wholeness?
my being?
my soul?

doesn’t that mean i am lost?
i am nothing?
that i never really knew myself in the first place.

those moments are poison.
they bleed and blister
and burn and burn

they hurt

they’re honey
drowned bees

perfectly content

and i can’t find a way to end this violent cycle
festering within
obliterating me from
the
inside out

because those moments are heaven
they are

and they’re the only place i ever want to be
and the only place i need

when nothing else matters
and nothing else is real
nothing but his lips on my neck
and my hand on his cheek
and the heat
and the burn
and the want

is what i crave.

the want.