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Tatiana Nov 2015
I wrote you a letter
which is ridiculous because I could call you
but a letter seemed more appropriate
and well, I can't just turn back now.

I put that letter in an envelope
and went to buy some stamps
The same kind that you had a collection of
I find it difficult to think of it

I placed a stamp on the envelope
I addressed it to you
the address was not the same
you moved so long ago

But I never sent it
I never let it go to you
and I regret that so much
because I knew you would have liked it

I took that letter
The envelope has yellowed with age
and I put it in a fire pit
and watched as it burned

I figure the smoke will carry it to you
To let you know I've been thinking
because this family season makes me sad
since it reminds me of who I once had

The words were only ever meant for you
and as the smoke drifts into the sky
and it slowly disappears
One single rain drop falls onto my face

and I know that you are here with me
Tatiana Nov 2015
I used to believe that people had a choice.
For the longest time I believed
that you chose who you love
But I realized how silly that was
when I noticed how I never chose
the people that I love today.

For the longest time I believed
that you could choose what you want to do
but it occurred to me that I never chose
to write stories or poems
but one day the paper and pen called to me

For the longest time I still believe
that people have a choice
that decisions can be made to change
the current situation

The most difficult lesson I learned
is that being sad was never a choice
I did not wake up one day and decide
that being sad sounded like fun
that choice was made for me
But I have control of my actions
I have control of my words
and I'll be in Hell if I don't try
to help myself first

So yes, depression is not a choice
but to a degree, how we react to it
is a choice
I could stay in bed all day
or I can get up
and this morning I felt sad
I still feel sad
But I got up
I got up
and that was a choice I made for myself
Tatiana Nov 2015
Thank you all for your support
I take strength from your words
and from knowing that I was heard
and that means others will be heard as well
So for that
Thank you
Tatiana Oct 2015
I'll build up to it
I've hinted at it a tiny bit
But the words don't come out right
They look ugly
And that's how I feel when i write about it
But I know I didn't deserve it
But it still takes time to come to terms
With the whole situation
And I don't know how long it will take
Because one day I'll share it
And it will hopefully help others learn
That they're not alone
And I won't be alone
And then we could all speak out
Together.
Please don't try to guess what the "it" is because I can not confront it right now. I just want to see if it's ultimately okay for me to share something so personal. Maybe not now or not even in this month... but eventually.
  Oct 2015 Tatiana
Nat Lipstadt
for Alyssa Underwood
~~~

my poems do not trend, go viral,
Fast and Furious!


yet, they do not die


they lay in plain sight pebbles scattered,
smoothed by time,
upon the surface of the
green earth waiting patient, virtuous,
purposed for itinerants bards
to trip over one
one some someday

somehow they accrete a readership,
slow stepping and steady from,
|the seekers and the stumblers,
the droplet drinkers,
meanderers of the tomes and tombs of prior years,
miners for nuggets in the poem pools that form
beneath the alluvial streaming
of the waterfall crescendo
of words

I like this

when another traveler sends me a like,
a petite amuse-bouche bite of appreciation,
for a long ago, barely recalled, writ,
allowing them to carve their initials upon the
external, visible roots of my tree trunk,
invading me, by darkening a prior tree internal ring,
forcing me to look down,
look back,
take measure of myself,
accepting myself as not wanting,
nor lacking in other's acceptance

these statements are neither  boastful or illusory,
yet still joyous, like caramel pleasures,
slow to chew, fast to the taste,

reminding me of old friendships,
well valued,
though no longer fully employed,
their uncovering is my own refreshed exposure,
their discovery is my own re-discovery,
exposing flaws and fallacies,
even fallow,
mostly shallow facts
about me

all of them,
a sundae of truths and lies, sharing a happy laugh
with and at
me,
when I think to myself,

"crap,, did I write that?"

copyright 2015 by Nat Lipstadt
all true.
sometimes I type in the search mode a word unusual, offbeat,
of my own choosing,
and let it lead me to the older nuggets of others,
familiar and unfamiliar,
from under the trees of their forest...

Oct. 7, 2015
4:21am
Manhattan Island
Tatiana Oct 2015
Dear Miss Melancholy,
I write constantly of how you affect me
you're like a guest
who overstays their welcome
in my head
and in my heart.
You seem to keep me all together
yet you constantly tear me apart.
And sometimes I think
that I will miss your constant presence,
but then I remember,
I will not miss Miss Melancholy
because she enjoys my sadness
and loves making me bleed
for reasons that are not clear to me.
© Tatiana
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