someone pressed a button
now all the lights are off but one
a red one blinking steadily
warning of the self destruction that's to come
the backup power moves my body
but even at full strength it was a losing battle
one last breath before my head goes under
and I'm swept away cause I don't want to paddle

Click a button
Watch the numbers climb
Even if it means nothing
The feeling is sublime

My own made rough
By years of discomfort within
Of skin that i wished to the sea
Instead of me wrapping
The passage of time
And evolution has proven
The bottleneck remains deep inside
Through simple confrontation.
Confidence lacking,
Revokes the foundation
Dismantling what was built,
And anxiety threads
Are plucked by fingertips
To tear away the rough
And replenish with red lubricant
Before the clot.

Will I become more confident
By tearing skin back
Ripping shreds to bone
Beyond tendon?
Lie to me
For this tumor
Is beyond any reason
For attempted understanding.

In two weeks, half the year will be gone
Half of our one year together
The time still ahead feels so long
But the time already past so short
Can they really be the same length?
The wax is halfway melted now
So remember the smell
And enjoy the sight of our dancing flame
Dancing carelessly
Because if our wick runs out regardless
I want to put on a show before all that’s left
Is the wafting smoke of a burned-out candle

A steady downpour will hide the tears that never shed
The winding road has many that cross it

My eyes part the streams like stones
Waiting to be eroded away

There’s more of a forest fire in a teardrop
Than the depths of my eyes have ever sparked.

Only gray skies and used lips left
For those few who ever venture here.

Overcast pale skin and used up lips
Tarnish further when hope lights its fire

Someone dig it from my chest to bring color to my skin
Until the forest fires fail to pass on as I do.

We were taken out back
Our blood painted the alleyways
History books called us the best of friends
So many beautiful love stories have been erased
So many of us died in hospital beds
While our immunity wasted away
And the government couldn’t care less
About the loss of a life if you were gay
And if you think that the fight ended in 2015
Then you’re deluding yourself, hate’s still alive today

But I won’t spend another day in the closet
So you can feel more comfortable
My existence isn’t a problem
Burning forever’s not the solution
I’m not sorry that pronouns
Are hard to wrap your brain around
I’m not lost or confused
I’m finally standing proud

I’m not sorry that there’s a month that’s not about you
I’m not sorry living my life the way I want to
Makes you feel so oppressed
Why are you so upset
Why are you so obsessed
With misgendering that man
Because he was born with *******
Why do you detest us

This has nothing to do with you
Just because my sexuality is different
Doesn’t mean yours has to change too
Just because I’m comfortable with he/they
Doesn’t make you going by he/him any less okay
What’s your ******* problem
Get off of my back
And stop pretending
When May is ending
That you’re under attack

I’m done repeating myself
It’s a strain on my mental health
To try to explain something
To someone
Who has no will to learn themself
This has nothing to do with you
So take a step aside
And let us enjoy being free
And encourage each other for future battles
I’m not asking
With or without your compliance
We will not hide
Because this is pride

A fleeting moment passes staring into the darkness
With an impulse procrastination
That has defined the past week
Or has it been a month?
So long that guilt presses against the wall
As the toss of another empty water bottle
Hits the floor.
Unbeknownst is the reality
That the room has become a physical embodiment
Of the headspace lived in.
Staring some nights
At the darkness
Because it’s easier than shining a light
And cleaning up this week’s mess.
Maybe you feel that you don’t deserve
To have a clean room
Because of a voice reminding you
Of all of them you couldn’t help.
How do you deserve a clean room,
When you can’t help anyone?
But you must know
That the glass can only build so much pressure
Before the shatter
And the glass can only pour so much
Before it runs out of itself.
You must know
That cleaning your room
Creates more space to fill with something else;
How can you help someone
If your glass is empty
And the pressure continues to pile on?
How can you change the world
If you can’t even clean your room?

A long time is becoming
Sooner than the grasp of its coming
Once, i could take the drive
Without specifying what time
Until a message would be sent
At only a moment’s notice
In warning of my arrival
Not asking permission
Simply stating i’d be there soon.

Once, the coffe shops defined our friendship
As we sat and spent those thoughts
That would otherwise swirl in rumination
Locked inside the mind only for another
Sleepless, endless night,
But we spent those thoughts on eachother
Digging a deeper hole of understanding;
There’s something about them
That I can’t help but miss.

Once, Drinking felt more healthy than it should have
When it wore down the wall so that all was left
Was the genuine heart breathing in our chest
So many moments
Oh, so many memories that defined us, inseparable
My brother of which i share no blood relation
But the bond formed won’t be shattered
By the miles away you ventured;
We’ve still miles to go.

Don’t these hours fly by
No wonder my body can’t keep up
When my mind can’t comprehend it
The days and weeks pass through
Space faster than light in a vacuum,
For the vacuum of life
Is much more efficient
In ******* out everything
Than we could possibly mimic.

One could might hypothesize
That the tears would have
Drained more than
The veins drawing out
Of the confines of the muscle
Pumping sweltering anger
On such a transportation
Of creating a new home
Out of one recognized for three years.

The stacks upon stacks
Of emotional drainage
After the physical had worn out
From problem after inconvenience
After incompetency.
A departure I wrote an outline for
Before I stood at the border
Of goodbyes,
I quickly threw out.

The itch and discomfort,
The aching and drainage
The constant questions in my mind
Throughout the entire time
Divorced me from the clouds
That I foresaw above us
Hugging goodbyes.
The storm was in the lies
That made me hurt
To see such discomfort in your eyes.

Here’s to the storm’s dispersion,
No good deed can split the coming tidal wave.