As the snow falls,
all life comes to a standstill.
As we find ourselves
deep inside the comforts of our quilts,
curling up inside, feeling lonely,
and looking for a feeling of warmth inside us.
Searching for memories,
Inside these malfunctioning brains.
Memories that make us smile,
or maybe make us cry.
Our minds desperately searching,
for that feeling of being human,
being broken.
Just to feel some warmth,
only to feel cold.
Doubting all your actions,
What did I do wrong,
what mistake did I make.
It’s me.
I’m broken.
No one can do it.
Maybe we should stop hoping,
give up on everything,
Maybe it’s for the best.
Or maybe not,
Should we dare dream,
Will I be happy?
Should I do as they say,
Keep moving forward,
Into nothingness,
Hoping that things will be different,
This time?
Just as I thought,
The last time.
Looking for the end of the tunnel,
One after another,
filled with sunshine,
as everyone says.
Just to exit it,
bask in the sunlight,
as we get pushed,
into another.

i sit shotgun in her pickup truck
with a pen in my hand
a notebook resting in my lap
and i try my best to focus
focus on anything
anything to stop this

the whole car starts to spin
my heart beat thumps in my brain
a nauseous feeling creeps up from my stomach to my throat
and just before i lose my breath
she stops the car

i can hear her voice spilling from her mouth like sweet honey
and she says:

“focus on the pen in your hand, charlie.”

“breathe, charlie.”

“you’re okay, charlie.”
“you’re okay, charlie.”

then a miraculous thing happens

the car stops spinning
my heart stops thumping in my brain
the nauseous feeling finds itself a way out of my body
and i breathe because,

“im okay, sam.”