Watered out into this cold, cruel world
My parents are still trying to survive
Can I blame them for wanting not to?
I don't either.
Want to lose what I love.
Home.

What's the cost if what I love harms me?
Isolate again insearch for home.
Where my soul can finally rest.
My human can thrive without love's conditions.

My mind loses its grip.
Who I had to be is no more.
My heart numb.
Overwhelmed.
Trying not to care.
Making myself invisible.
Still yearning for deep relief.

I've tried creating a home in falsehood
Belonging to causes & thoughtforms.
Soul is now their prize, imprisoned.
These mental bars amplify the internal echo.
My ancestors' screams through every DNA strand.

You can't fully experience what you don't give yourself first.
Overflow all that energy they want from me from within.
Protect our essence.

Your wholeness is home.

jealousy is the root of evil
once said, there is no retrieval

jealousy is the root of evil,
once felt, there is no retrieval.

I.

When I had to leave, I think
I must have hidden you
I grabbed you up
Put you somewhere safe
Pulled you from me
Into a box, gently 
Opening up the walls of myself,
My old house
I might return to
And I placed you inside and
Gently
Sealed up my walls around you
Like gum
Or snow
Or sand 
She seals you
And left you there to find again one day
 
 
 
. . . 


II.
Pulling down cobwebs
Through the ghost town of me
Don’t wake her
She’s still asleep
I know where to dig
Delicately
Groping down
Like a survivor
Returning to their old home
Shake my bones
And retrieve you deep
From the heart of me
Where I always knew you’d be