Is it as simple as that?
I’m trying the best I can
But maybe that’s not the right stance
Let me be selfless and pay my dues
But if I don’t pray, would it all be a ruse?
I’m trying the best I can
Or maybe I say that more than I actually am
We speak every day- so you know my path
Not even a decade old- I felt your wrath
To love and fear you
Help me balance the two
I promise I will continue trying to do
The best I can
Every moment I'm with you
I feel faithful and true
Grateful and forgiven
But the devil's work on me
Keeps me up at night so livid

Like crinkled paper
Shoved into my eyelids
Asleep and awake
Dysphoric demonic dreaming
My bones unhinging
As my muscles stretch
With sounds of ropes ripping
If I were to tie a noose for my neck
Is that the sound I'd hear when stepping
Gracefully off the deck
Plummeting into a sea of galaxies and hells
Would I watch over the world I once knew?
Until the time comes for me to settle into
Both or one or the other
The burning roots or the flowing leaves
My flesh impaled or allowed to breathe
To drink golden stench or spit fruit seeds
To wish for solitude or company
Be Agonized repeatedly or live ecstatically
In a pit of ebony flames
Or in a bath of light rays
To be punished in hell
or sent to heaven for praise?