sports kit - generic hair
i turn seven times in twenty minutes
to check if you're still there
we watch the play
you from outside
me from the back row
are you missing out on training?
you're alone and you must be cold
plastic shorts plastic shirt
standing in an alcove
where god isn't watching
hands pressed flush against cool glass
tall window
you look so small
hiding like a kid
wouldn't you rather be annihilating yourself on the court?
cold hands - dark window - unspecific sport
unspecific boy
has anyone else noticed you?
have you noticed me looking?
forgive me for assuming, but
i hope someday you allow yourself to come inside
there's a free seat next to me

I told myself
                the white walls of her
castle illuminated my class,

That the poverty in
                my footsteps traipsed dirt
into pristine halls.

That my broken home
                would leave shards
of splinters in her own.

That I should never
                play the role of prince
with the conviction I felt in my soul.

That she was a fairytale I wasn’t allowed.

I didn’t voice
                I’d heard the term lesbian
and come to understand things about myself.

That the syllables of
                her name on my tongue
carried the tang of hymns.

That her name made my empty soul soar.
And then fall.

That her name made God jealous.