If the sky was jade
More people would see white plants
If my tongue was the same color as my soul
I would know about the ultimate truth
If my mother still had legs
I would have not existed
If my brother was a girl
He would have been a dead girl
& I would have lost my soul
If I were more normal
The magic I create would be a fairytale
If I were taller
I would be taller…
If I had never found my heart
I would have become cold

I had a father
He was a jolly man
Full of laughter and mirth
Full of bitterness and sorrow
His eyes were bright as sienna jewels full of ambition
His laugh haunts my memory still
But then there was another side of him
Which has brought me emotional turmoil
To last the rest of my years
In spite of that,
He was my father
He was always there
He was haunted by the past and the present
Still he loved to make people happy
And then he left forever on a trip to Mobile
Innocently lying when he said he would come back soon
He spent the weekend there
A weekend that slipped into eternity
Though even now
It’s like he would return home soon
Like he will come back to the house in his way
But that can only happen in dreams now
And it is so apparent
How he was the light of his family…

I have a brother
Who came before I
Though we share the same father
It is so obvious that we do not share the same mother
He who ignores me
Living his own life
The king of lies
A charming crook
I see in his devilish grin
The words he believes I like to hear
Not the truth
Our relationship is a shattered piece of black tinted glass
Before I knew him, it was shaped in a beautiful figurine
Abstract and colorful
As I got to know him
It broke into many pieces
Then broke again with every lie
The color turned to black with every truthful revelation
My brother
Who is so much like my father
Yet nothing like him…

I have another brother
I’ve known him since before I could remember
My little brother
The breaker of my things…
I have sacrificed so much for him
Sometimes he is grateful
Sometimes he’s annoying
Always he is there
He’s so tall
Life made him taller than me
It’s not fair
I’m older
He is my greatest ally of the past
He is my worst enemy beyond myself
We are bound by love and blood
Forever related
Until one of us dies
Still I would miss him
I know he would miss me
My beloved brother
Let’s never live in the same state…

I had a grandfather
He would lie to me about his age
He lived his own life
Revolved around his daughter
He did not smoke
He did not drink
He swore like a sailor
And died of cancer of the tongue
He ignored me for the lifetime we shared
But he did acknowledge my presence
That we were related
I was able to say goodbye before he died
I didn’t cry when he left
I had a dream about him once
He gave me a puppy
It made me feel better…

I had an uncle
Who showed me
What a grandfather is suppose to be
He taught me how to gamble
He showed me unconditional love
He who had no grandchildren
Yet my brother and I were all he needed
We were blessed to have him in our lives
He lived far away
But that didn’t stop him from seeing us
As opposed to our own grandfather
Who lived in the same city as we lived
And had better things to do that spend time
With his grandchildren
That uncle of mine was my father’s uncle first
Showed my father the same kind of love
In his childhood days
Taught him how to gamble
Taught him how to love
I cried when he left us
But I know he has found peace
He came live near us at the end
I visit him from time to time…

Daddy, I miss you
Daddy, you’re an *******
Daddy, you made mom so happy
Daddy, I still wear those scares you gave me
Daddy, I hate you can’t hear me now
Daddy, New York City scares me
Daddy, I still cry in my heart
Daddy, I hope Lady is with you
Daddy, it hurts to be myself sometimes
Daddy, you’re missing things
Daddy, ******* with the fuckidy **** ****
Daddy, John misses you too
Daddy, I wish you could have met Jeremiah
Daddy, you were funny, & still are even to this day
Daddy, you were ****** up
Daddy, whatever
Daddy, I’d give you a hug if I could
Daddy, tornadoes are scary
Daddy, life goes on without you
Daddy, I love you

To whom it does pertain
There are so many words I could use
To describe to the world
My love and feelings

I who was silenced by emotions
For years…
Now I find the veil of silence
Being replaced with a veil of colorful adjectives
And verbs

I have always known
The words
They never came to me when I needed them most
This was your fault
And my burden
But I digress

In spite of all I’ve been through
I still look back to memories past
Sigh, and say
“I miss you”

I still hear you randomly
See your half cocked Joker’s smile
That comforts strangers
Because to you
There was no such thing.

Then I remember your hair
It was an onyx forest of infinite curls
How I loved raking through it
With my senses of smell and touch

It was always there
The smell of 3 flowers
It was still there
Even when you cut your forest.

Then there were your arms
A warm hug you passed around to anyone
It brings me to tears now
I miss it so…

Finally, there was your mouth
That accent that charmed the world
Your words
Funny, unique, silly, thoughtful
Emotional damaging, bitter, slightly offensive, obscene

Yet we all remember your laugh
And your driving…

Though wherever you are
I hope you found true peace and freedom
It’s hard to tell where you’ve actually gone.
I’d like to think you’re telling ***** jokes to Jesus.
Like he’s never heard them before.

There is a place I’d like to escape to
I know it doesn’t remember me
But I don’t care, I think of it still
The air full of decay from the first step
The decay of broken dreams
So strong you can smell it
Even though some dreams died long ago.

The green trees
Still green for those that haven’t died
Blow out air to the people that walk
And some who don’t
They have dreams of their own I imagine
None of which probably happen
I imagine if a tree dreamed
It would dream of living
Not to be cut down and used
By those who take its air
So in that case, the trees too
Breathe out broken dreams

In spite of that, it’s a lovely town
Full of half happy faces
And great coffee houses
Though I don’t know for sure because I like hot tea
At 9 pm, the streets are bare
A sleepy town that lives off broken dreams
I should visit there again…

Here I sit and wait for thee
Hope thou hasn’t forgotten me
May hearts be true and love to last
A call for my lover soon to pass

A walk upon a narrow path
One sheds a tear and then to laugh
Upon a lovely grove to see
That’s where my love shall first see me

Our eyes to meet, our hearts to blend
Our there on from then
Be bound together, heart and soul
To find something worth more than gold

But still I sit and wait for thee
Imagining something that may not be
May all ye dreamers find ye mate
And love last forever as if by fate.

I sit alone, wondering when this pain will end...
Where could he be? I'm waiting...
I'm impatient like a child....just like that
I wonder if he thinks of me.
The pain in my heart is feeling with emotions from last night...so many emotions fill my heart
I won't if he thinks I'm pretty
I want to smile, but I can't....
What the hell is wrong with me?
Bittersweet memories of a happy moment replay in my head
It fell so good to be near him...To have him touch my face...
He smelled good too....He was so sweet my heart melted...
I wonder how long till I see him again....
I'm so depressing it's tragic...

She walks silently in the darkness, a predator of the night, floating in the sleeping shadows. The very image of her face is both mystical and terrible. A goddess, a devil, an angel, a demon, all could be said about her. She looks human, but she is nothing like. She is cold and without mercy. And in the words of Faye Valentine, “A demon from heaven, or an angel from the underworld”. Her face would deceive the undecieveable, for that is her bait. Her beauty is beyond compare, not even Cleopatra could compete with this thing that waits for the perfect moment to make another tragedy, for the paean hymns to fill the air once again. For deep down, she enjoys the dirges. The songs of death they keep her entertained. Maybe you’ll meet her one day. If you’re nice to her she’ll return the favor. But don’t be afraid and don’t bed her for your life like a coward…Because then you might not do anything more in this life or plane from that point on.