Sitting among the headstones.
The Oklahoma sun shines down on me.
Birds sing their afternoon song.
They have no use for reverence.
Underneath, you are changing.
A hostile heart is becoming something new.
The cool grass sways near me.
Ants assume dutiful work.
My mind wanders, as is frequently the case.
I miss you.
Longing for second chances,
A monologue is started for no one.
It may be meant for me;
Something to put a restless mind at ease.
Searching for second chances.
Redemption that will never come.
The time spent here is important.
Another trip may not be within me.
Circumstances will lead me away,
But my heart is changing.
All because you are here.

For me, nothing is more powerful than my regret.

It feels like Everest and I can’t climb.

Living has become the hardest part.

It is measured in breaths successfully taken.

This is what winning feels like.



As hard as I wish, the past isn’t done with me.

You will never leave that moment in time.

We are like anchors forgotten in the sea.

What might have been felt as real and constant as a pulse.

Thunderously beating, I rise and collect myself.

Now, we pretend to be strong.

Not just for me, but for all of us.

Because we all have regret and lives to live.



Below me is a casket; it is holding you.

The words cascade from my mouth like never before.

In and out of an out of body experience, you guide me through.

I wish I could have done more for you.

This is my regret.

It wasn't your song on the radio.

I don't even know if you like the band.

Every lyric reminded me of you, though.

Filled with guilt and regret, I drove on.

Holding firm to the wheel, I was torn to tears.

My car doing 60 in the center lane.



"Drugs or Me" screamed of you.

I wish there hadn't been a choice.

Your side should have been at the forefront.

Ultimatums usually do no earthly good.

It was a hard lesson to learn.

Today's lesson came in the form of a song.



The interstate feels like hell today.

I fear the track to be played next.

Mixes can be a dangerous thing.

For my 2016 writing project, I’ve decided to write a single line of poetry every day for an entire year. Below, is November’s poem. Enjoy!

Thirty-three years old.
A brother lost.
A father fighting on.
A mother standing tall.

I feel brave.
Only death can defeat me.
It nearly did.

Still, I stand.
We all do.

We are like trees in a windstorm.

Life discounts me.
That is its mistake.

We've been to the brink.
We've stared over the cliff.
Edges are nothing to be feared.

Life defined in two parts.
My own personal B.C. and A.D.
Before destroys me.
The next is mine.

With bated breath.
I turn the page.
I begin writing a new chapter.

Much will be said of this time.
It is my beacon of hope.

These hours are mine.

Numbers on a wall,
Each with a purpose.

Let's use this story.
Let's save a soul.
November 3rd can change things.

7 days ago, you were still here.
As the hours ticked away, you were consumed;
Consumed with rage and pain.
You were unable to see the future.
Soon, all would be washed away.

7 days ago, you were still here.
Blinded by the end, you calmly sat;
You sat in a field filled with nothing, but the end.
Time was not on your side.
Soon, all would be washed away.

7 days ago, you left us.
Pain breathed its last breath and you were gone;  
Gone was the disappointment and the need for forgiveness.
We rushed from every corner.
Soon, all would be washed away.

7 days ago, we were forced to hold time in our hands.
Questions that can never be answered, yet we press on;
Pressing forward to a new normal.
A place and a time without you.
Soon, all will be washed away.