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LostinJapan Aug 2022
It's easy to select when you write a Fet profile
But a little more involved to explain
I live it 24/7 means that I can't escape
I live it 24/7 means it's a part of me
And I can't run from the things that hurt or give release

I don't do scenes
I don't have "play" partners
I don't seek out pain
I don't start unhealthy relationships
I don't even want to feel the ways I feel

But when you hurt me, I feel it
When you reject me, I feel it
When you accuse me, I feel it
When you mock me, I feel it
When you hate me, I feel it

I can hate your power over me
I can hate your abuse
I can hate your derision
I can hate myself
But I can't stop the delicious feeling of abject misery
LostinJapan Jul 2022
If suffering is happiness
and tears are love
I am devotion itself
break me
I’ll pen thank you notes in blood
Ayisha R Nov 2020
I am a bubblegum
that has lost its taste.
I came in pinkish-turquoise
irresistibly innocent packaging.

I was unwrapped by you.
Chewed up by the muscles in your mouth.
Savoured by your taste buds.

Once.

I was sweet.
Sometimes too sweet,
and sugary-high
for your impulsive liking.

Popsicles.
Apple pops.

Now I am a pale-pink
-coloured bubblegum.
I am a bubblegum
that has lost its taste.

I am the bubblegum
that you stick underneath your desk.
The bubblegum that you
frequently-accidentally,
or coincidentally,
brushed your bare knees upon.

I am the bubblegum
that is hidden,
and hardened.

How I wished
you would just spit me
onto the ground.

Let them walk upon me.

How I wished
you would just spit me
onto the crumbled worn-out wrapper.

Wrap me,
and throw me
into the ******* bin.

Let them recycle me.

But instead,
you keep me glued
underneath your desk,
along with other bubblegum
that have lost their tastes.

Hidden.
Hardened.

Sometimes,
you miss my taste.

Just like how I miss
your gliding tongue
--against me.

Hardened.
Hidden.

Somebody scrap me.

🍬
© Ayisha Rahman, written circa 2014

— The End —