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Meghan C Aug 2014
if you dig deep enough
into the sand
i promise you will find yourself
cosmos, beneath
half-formed palaces of earth
and ocean, lost for centuries
or perhaps
(who’s to say, really)

you will find, scattered
among the burning grains of
“i was a crystal
in another life”, a glittering
dust - remainders not of
life denatured, but
stars whose deaths
cannot yet be mourned

ours is a universe
that cannot be defined
(it’s no matter, of course, for
only ever tell
of the story)

i wonder what i would see
if i waded until my feet
were as much afloat
as the rest of me
and the sea
swallowed me whole - what
are contained under the
surface (blue only to our
lackluster outsider’s
perspective), what
planetary infinite
lies with its arms around salt, grimy
only to those of us
who return to airy shores
at the end of the day
(if there are galaxies
behind your eyes, only
will tell)
Meghan C Aug 2014
you told your heart, “listen
to logic.”

you hated the storm clouds
that thundered over your head
and loosed rain
on your dusty windows.

you had it all wrong.

the sun is bright
but it burns - inch your way
out of the atmosphere
and you’re scalded
through and through
the moment you get in its way.

night settles because
it’s only in darkness that
stars get their chance
to shine.
Meghan C Aug 2014
(if) when i
turn to stone, take my
heart and bury it
beneath a garden.
let vines embrace my
frozen form
and a forest grow
above my useless body.

find the grave of the cosmos
that convinced the stars
we were right
and salt the earth.

(eye contact is

put me to rest as my own
grave marker
surrounded by soil
crawling with the things
she’ll never give me. let
it seep into my
pores and manifest
as the dirt
under my fingernails.

(who’s to say
i wasn’t made of stone
to begin with?)
Meghan C Aug 2014
i have a warped vision of love.

my heart is too heavy
to carry
inside my chest
and so i break bits off
as i would pieces of a
sugar cookie to share
with those who might
appreciate it.

i get lost inside myself, the marrow
that twist through my bones, the
vessels that
redden my cheeks.

i’m slick with guilt over
the things i can’t control
and today’s tears
feel like falling back in time
because their explanation is ugly
and therefore doesn’t exist.

(i hope it’s true
that linear time
is just
an illusion.)

feeling whole
was never something
i could keep a grip on.

(i can’t help it.)
Meghan C Aug 2014
the things you look for
cannot be found
in my shadowy lips.
my secrets are not hidden in
the crevices of my

my breath quakes
as it tries to force itself
down my throat
and i do not have the lung capacity
to whisper platitudes
into your neck.

the link between creativity and
is one that i tried
so fervently to sever.
no one had to tell me
that there would be
no fruition.

(if knowledge were strength
i would have carried
you all
on my back.)

my depth perception varies
day to day
and the idea that
everything extends
inwards and out
reminds me that we were
never meant to

(all things are true
if enough people
believe in them.)

i was never the real thing.

but then
neither were you.
Meghan C Aug 2014
i’m stuffing my ears with cotton
because there will never
be enough pores in my body
to absorb her voice.

too many people talking at once
and i can catch every
other word that she
never meant.

but her eyes remind me
of the way
freshly ground coffee smells
and she knows
i could never give her a solid


she feels like the
real thing
but the nerves in my fingertips
have become calloused and senseless
so there’s really
no way to tell.

(she told me
that my voice
gives her butterflies

and i still can’t
really believe her
despite this dragon
breathing fire into my gut.)

i’ll sit on that brick
as long as it takes
waiting for her to blow that smoke
back in my face and say

because i was never
the one she dreamed about.

i will not
close my eyes.
Meghan C Aug 2014
i’ve only just begun
to reopen
the doors that keep
my heart tucked away, yet
you rushed forward
with a romance
i didn’t expect.

you took the emptiness
i had forged
from fires of the past
and tossed handfuls of
into constellations
on its surface.

the nerves in my neck
tingle in anticipation
of the promises we made
to each other.
the salt in our hair
and the sand on our
skin make it real.

(i promise.)

so eagerly
peeling back layers, you
just make sense
the deeper
i sink.

(no matter what.)
Meghan C Aug 2014
i’ve been working on
breaking down the walls
that i spent
so long
building up, hoping
that she might
peek through the holes
and want to join me
in my abyss.

the others came instead.

i waved them over the mess
and tried to smile as they
surveyed what lay behind.

it was only as the clouds descended
and laid their tears
across the pavement
that i felt the pain
of letting the old stones
litter the ground.
lightning struck my
exposed chest
and the blocks
fired nerve endings
with every crack
of thunder.

the urge to line the bricks
and spread the
mortar is undeniable

but i’m still waiting
for her

to come by and tell me
that i don’t need them.
Meghan C Aug 2014
i have lost the ability
to distinguish
the physical inability
and my own unwillingness
to stopper the words
that pour
from my lips and
my pen, and my

i have this thought
(though i know that
it has no real merit)
that if i let them
eventually the ripples will reach you

and you’ll understand.
Meghan C Aug 2014
i want to tell you
that i think

you’re beautiful

(you are)
(i do)

but i’m afraid that you’ll
see past
what i really mean
and find the simplicity
of the words
more captivating.

i want to describe to you
the way in which my heart beats
when i hear the syllables
that form your name

but then you might
with pity in your eyes

because you know
that if i’m able to
say it

it’s probably already
a lost cause.
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