today i remembered what he smelled like.
i caught a whiff of something oddly familiar.
at first, i wasn't sure what it was,
but it hit me all too fast.
it was him.

i'm somehow always caught between forgetting he's dead
and remembering he's dead.
today i remembered.

chocolate axe body wash with a hint of lavender--
that's him.
it jogged my memory in an aggressive fashion,
almost intrusive.
all this time i was searching for him and came up short.
this time he found me.

the pursuit was long over.
after all, it's been almost two years
but there's something about it;
it shook me to the core,
it jolted me awake.
you see,
all this time i was asleep
in a cloudy daze
lost with no direction
but now?
now the quest continues with an unfamiliar sense of urgency.
how can i get to you?
how can i bring you back to me?
j.c.