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Alyssa Apr 2017
Sometimes I see things I don't always want to see..
Like the times when he has a few drinks too many,
and suddenly he's changed..
The sparkle in his eyes are much different from when he's
maybe just high and sometimes sober,
He goes from gentle to angry in a matter of mixes,
I don't understand,
what he thinks what his tricks is.
I do enjoy the warmth from an occasional drink,
but I sometimes have to resort to fear in which I slink.
I worry if he will get home okay,
I really hope so, so that he can see the brightness of the new day.
I love him with all my heart but I hate being treated this way,
This is my dilemma,
and in this dilemma
I
Stay.
Alyssa Dec 2016
Now I've got a lifetime to consider all the ways
I've grown more disappointing to you
As my beauty warps and fades
I suspect you feel the same
When I was young, I dreamt of a passionate obligation to a roommate
Is this the part where I get all I ever wanted?
Who said that?
Can I get my money back?
Just a little bored in the USA
Alyssa Dec 2016
On February 15th
A day immediately after another you hate
You told me, "Smiling doesn't get you anywhere in life."
I can't explain the way my guts turned
The way my thoughts burned with
all of the memories
All the times I felt I could be ready to die
And you would look me right into my tear filled eyes and say: "Smile babe, don't cry."
And all I can wonder now is,
What changed that for you?
Is it the way that I loved you so roughly
I tore you into pieces
That no longer believe in the beauty of a smile?
Was it life and all of it's choices,
All of it's choosing that removed
the smile that was like a bruise upon your
beautiful face?
Or did you let your sorrows erase you?
Was it your lack of freedom?
Was it the fact that people are idiots
Who find gold mines inside of beautiful people like you
and still don't know how to treat them?
Have you been ****** dry?
Pretending the smile came from inside you every time
I've ever seen it
That mile long walk across the teeth that emerged from the midst of your lips
when you felt it.
My God, you were my heaven.
You used to smile like the ends of your mouth could grow their
own hands,
Reach into the mirrors in your eyes
and pull your soul out
Like the sun was smiling back at you
and the midst of your troubles
Telling you the night you'll only endure for a moment
But the light from my lips will return
in the morning, I promise.
Like the moon lit your room with the light so perfect.
When we kiss you swear that heaven had birthed it
Like there were angles in
attendance that tore love from you appendage
And shoved it down my throat
Forcing me to swallow it whole
Like the glow from your soul
became the light in your eyes
I was so used to having guide me,
having hide me from the darkness
You used to smile and it would tear me apart
but you are so, so
different now.
I don't know who you are,
I can't figure you out.
But if I retrace the steps in my mind
I can count all the times I've seen
you hurt
Seen all the weight you've been
forced to carry
And maybe, in that moment I'd
kneel before you
Knees kissing the ground beneath me
and ask you to place your burdens upon my shoulder
And I would carry them for you
for this lifetime
and 10 lifetimes over
Just so the weight of your burdens
wouldn't become the pain in your smile
Just so the thought of a smile
wouldn't keep weighing you down
Just so you would believe that
everyday of my life
I spend 15 seconds taking a glimpse into heaven
when you smile
You don't know the beauty of it all
I've seen the slowing of a heartbeat
that is aged with its pain
Restart and beat with a rapidity
that will make infinity ashamed
I've seen scars heal
Minds filled with positivity
People brought together
Friendships meded
Soul mates found
And all of this was just from a smile
So the next time i see it
I'll run into your arms like the wives of children
Of the soldiers whose souls were
thought to be stolen by the lives
that they've taken
Mistakes they've made
By the pieces of themselves they have
thought they lost
And you will show me the way back
to myself and watch me become as
new as I always do
And maybe this love turn into one thing
that birthed a thousand other
that give you a reason to smile
It may take a while but I've never seen anything more beautiful
than what I see when you do
And I don't believe in anything like I believe in you
So smile for me, even when this
world tries to tear you into two
Smile for me because, I love when you do
I love when you do.
  Jan 2015 Alyssa
bones
We danced toward
each other's wounds

with gentle step
and touched inside

and now the bleeding
has resumed

and all this blood
is hard to hide.

— The End —