I can see in your eyes searching
for air, to ignite once again
the love long forgotten
bethroned and smashed into ashes
kneeling down the porch
of niche sentiments
You must have noticed I have
lost my synchronism with your heart beat
There is no air I can offer
You must have felt my hands,
cold in lack of emotional dexterity
If you think your eyes can thaw my heart
please try. Its been long I have enjoyed the spring
My senses have lost its way,
not wanting to fall again
my eyes, they still are cold
And that stare you have
the lips dry in lack of love
the strangled hairs lacking the caress
and my fingers clumsy with hesitation
I can say, it will be long time before
we can melt together again
And I would not let you down this time
if you never leave my hand

She was not real when she first came to me


She was not real when she first came
There was not she
There was not her desire
I was too tired already when she came
She felt like dream
hidden behind haziness
her eyes intensely gazing at my physical state
and me utterly lost among my own ruins
she wrote she was searching for real
she said she couldnt find real on me
I do not understand if
I am real or not
may be there is no me, as well
I always made things on my mind
And If I am real I must have made her up
or just her desire
but she was real when she left
and she was there
going back deeper into the haze
haze that gave her birth
and haze that has left me with atonement
engulfed with terrible silence
still suffocating


she was terribly real
I was terribly lost in search of reality
I know not
where things went wrong
and we were never real together
and I sit here feeling bad
I have felt bad for too long now
feeling bad doesn't feel bad anymore
this bad is not real, may be

when was the last time I still loved you
Its hard to remember that love
You drifted away with the river
like grains of sands
down the curls of determination
I was left ashore stuck in valley of desolation
was that the last time we were in love
I blew myself around, in gushes of wind
I looked for you if you were waiting for me somewhere
your time was too pressing
I had time of the world for you
I remember you telling
the moon will always keep record of our love
when was the last time the moon came out of clouds
Why did you call my name yesterday
I have forgotten the way we used to talk
you cannot say I am same old loving lad
and why cannot I see any beauty in you anymore
there is no more love in me
and if you are searching for love
take me to the past
do you remember when you loved me for last time
take me there and stay there watching how I fell in
desolation
in your desperation, chewed by madness
there is no love in me anymore
if you now
want me to love
wait for the rivers to turn back
fill me with our memories of love
take from me the pain inscribed within

Ghost of Night

Night engulfs me with its sombre darkness
Cigarette glowing with all its fury
I try to lit my heart and search,
something I never had
and that always went missing
Questions rumble loud inside
Lots of questions, like unending drops of monsoon
hitting the roof above me
And the question always starts with 'why'
I always believed I was hopeful,
Future will welcome me with good accords.
How long will it take to find the future?
Its scary to consider if I will be always stuck in past.
I try to find among the ashes going down on tray,
the answer to every why.
night slugs down its way
The rain piter-patter continuously, undesirous to stop
I wonder about the picture of damaged organs
on the cover of cigarette packet,
Are these even real?
(I peek inside and wonder why so much of smoke in there)
At times I peek out of window
hoping to see stars above rain.
All the lights from starry sky lost among heat of monsoon.
Hope always covered me with disappointment
If only I had a mystical pet of nine coloured feathers
That could fill me with colours enthusiasm. (why)
Is that moon that's glowing meekly over there
or am I just sleep deprived?
Every night ***** little life out of me. (why)
It won't be surprise to find my breath
held inside ,
cold and undaunted by questions,
one fine morning.

Photograph*
In my mobile phone, I
have your picture
from long ago
which sometimes I watch
again and again
again and again
I zoom in and zoom out
The hair which were always messy
like my room, and you complained
The nose that was red once
because you cried hard
for you heard
the world is failing and we are to blame
I did not care about world
this world or that.
Your nose is not red in the photograph on my mobile phone,
Its just
cute
And I watch your photos
every details of your face
to breast
eyes to thighs
all in just right place and right size
that mufler you wore in every winter day
Does it keep you warm
from the cold feeling
I left the last time we met?
,I wonder.
that bag lying on your side
which sometime I carried for you
I do not know anything about you now,
and I only carry some bags of memory
And I watch the only photograph
left on my mobile phone
Just to remember how much I have
forgotten you
and how much is left to forget
May be, I will never forget the smiles turning to tears.

एक दुई घर हुदैँ
टोल टोल छिर्दैँ छ
बिस्तारै कोलाहल मच्चिएको छ चारैतर्फ
सन्त्रास छाएको छ, सारा गाउँमा

बुख्याँचा त पहिले नै भन्थ्यो –
"गाँउमा आज सर्प पसेको देखेँ!"
तर त्यातिबेला न अरु कसैले देख्यो
न बुख्याँचाको कसैले सुन्यो।

गाउँमा आज हिड्ने बाटो छैन
न त कतै बस्ने चौतारा बाकी छ
लुसुक्क पसेको सर्पको आज
जताततै गुड देखिन थालेको छ

देख्दैछ बुख्याँचा, सक्नेहरु झोला बोकीँ हिडेको
कोही गाई निचोर्दै सर्पलाई दुध दिरहेको
बुख्याँचा भन्छ "सारा गुडमा आगो झोस्देऊ!"
तर आफ्नै घरमुनि मान्दैन कोही आगो लगाउन

सर्पदंशले आजित हरेक जन
घायल बन्दैछ बिस्तारै सारा गाउँ
कैयन त मरिसके, अनि वेवारिसे सढिसके
ओखतीको पर्खाईमा आत्तिदैछन् बाँकी सबै

जेठा वैद्द चिन्तित छन्, नसकिने हो की भनी सबलाई
बचाउन ,पालैपालो घाईते बोक्दै आउदैछ  बुख्याँचा
अन्तमा वैद्दकै लाश दोबाटो भेटियो
त्राहीमाम गाउँलेबीच अन्योल चुलियो

वीण बजाउँदै झुल्किन्छ गाउँमा नौलो अनुहार
सगँसगैँ देखियो सर्पदशंको ओखतीको विज्ञापन
वाचा गरियो सबैलाई ओखतीको
अनि भगाईने भईयो सबै सर्प

चिच्यायो बुख्याँचा - " यो सब यसैको काम हो, केवल नाटक हो।"
घाईतेको आहत अगाडी उस्को चिच्याहतले पारेको देखिन्न
केही फरक सशँकित गाउँलेको
लामै लाईन लाग्छ, अब बाचिने भईयो सायद

त्यसपछि बिते कैयन रात र दिन
सारा सर्प गुडबाट महलको कोठीमा सरे
अनि अझै हरेक दिन कोही न कोही
घाईते बन्छ सर्पदंशबाट, लाईन अझै लामै छ,

एकदिन, बुख्याँचा
तेही लाइनमा देखिन्छ, हारेको मुहारमा

तर हार्न पनि कहाँ सजिलो छ र!

A crow in sorrow
drenched in monsoon
The song of new season
that flooded the village
And the once green cornfields
now enzymed so minutely
A crow sings today
for his wife is waiting
and his children are waiting
drenched in monsoon

A vulture soaring upright his zenith
A happy season to follow
drenched in monsoon
And less he cares the thunders
or the bolts of lightening
the angry droplets eating up the village
A vulture drenched in monsoon
waits for the last crow
A feast to be ready

Some die in despair
Some in excitement
In season to change