it used to be so easy to just
sling whatever emotions i had
onto a blank page.

now it seems there are too many
for me to possibly try to push them
into a sentence or two.

How I would love him:
I'd appreciate every word he says
Every preposition, verb or noun
I'd enjoy his voice in all different ways
Because I'd just love its sound

Darling?

Darling?

Darling?

I love you, I swear it.
I'm not upset, I swear it.
I'm safe, I swear it.

I'm better- can you believe that?

We say I love you over the phone in an echoing tone
Over and over and over again.

It is only now that I realize it's for each and every day we cannot talk, so that not a day goes by without being filled with one. And I smile at this realization.

And I hope you do too. You're beautiful with a smile and without.

But seeing that smile gives me so much hope, angel.

And I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

If you just ask me to out my blades on your nightstand while casually checking your email on your iPhone, it won't happen.

If you offhandedly remind me to eat while heading out the door for a few hours, it won't happen.

And if you tell me living is worth it while slapping me in the face with a ton of mistrust and coldness, it won't happen.

Trust me.