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Tillies May 2017
am i?
crazy, i mean
its something i ponder
during the late
late nights
when im screaming
crying
drowning
in my own crimson tears.

am i?
impertinent, i mean
its something i wonder
when you look at me
with the eyes
the eyes of judgement
when my rage
comes in a steady
freezing stream.

am i?
stupid, i mean
i constantly think about it
when i see you
and you
aren't with me
when you
you're with them
when all i can think of
is you
you
you
when the very matter of my heart
screams your name.

what am i?
crazy?
impertinent?
stupid?
or maybe
just very
very in love
in love with you?
Tillies Apr 2017
is it me?
no it cant be
this is you
all you
twisting the sinews of my heart
with your carving knife
i hate you

is it me?
oh heavens no!
this is you
its you who broke me
turning me into
this
i hate you

maybe it is me?
you didn't say you loved me too
so she wasn't the distraction?
i was
i hate you

oh **** it is me?
you didn't break my heart
i did
i did this
i hate you

its all me?
i did this to myself
i broke my own heart
this wasn't you it was me
me
me

all me

now im drowning
crying
screaming
i want you
i need you
but i pulled the trigger

my throat is raw
crying curses
screaming profanities
i cry in crimson
i love you

i see you
will you save me
from myself
no
you are drowning me
pushing me further
suffocating me
now im drowning
drowning
drowning
drowning in my own
my own ******* tempest
  Nov 2015 Tillies
L Marie
I am nothing but a broken china doll
Who has been glued back together
With that same, painted on, red-lipstick smile,
Pretending those cracks on my face
Aren't actually there
And that people will just think I'm ugly--
Not that I have been shattered into fragments
And struggled to stay together;
No, I am just ugly, not a survivor,
They'll never see the pain I've felt
And that's okay,
It's better this way,
So I can pretend, as well.

— The End —