when i lost myself
it truly hurt the most
because how do you heal
when you are the ghost

s.s

at some point in time
i thought losing
the one i called mine

was the most painful loss
i could endure
until i was laying
on my bedroom floor

shivering and numb
head twirling, screaming
like a broken album

it's at four in the morning
when i still haven't slept
with god knows what in my system
completely unkempt

that i could see now
losing myself
was far worse somehow

s.s

it's been almost three years
some nights i still cry to sleep
the way you hurt me never heals
i feel it surface and weep
my mind is covered
in scabs and scars
tonight i'm bleeding
and seeing stars

s.s

i lose myself
like a ship in a storm
but you're the lighthouse
bringing me home

s.s

i apologise
to every soul that has lingered with mine
i have a bad habit of disappearing

my head is a dark space my body is a scary place and that is the truth i face as i unravel into space full of dark matter with thoughts of i don't matter while the world is oppressing the bit of joy i call a blessing and i am afraid i will always feel alone and never again will i feel at home in someone's arms where there is no harm i am sorry to those i have touched you are dreadfully out of luck i can't break my habit of disappearing the darkness is always commandeering

s.s

i miss you
like i miss the stars
in sky above the mountains
when i wander into the city
these street lights
just don't compare
and i miss you
like i miss the river
gently rushing over skin
this empty shower
just doesn't compare
i miss you
like nature
after deforestation
to our love
it was breathtaking
and it's fall
haunting

s.s

i am not a helpless girl
drowning is a sea
of her own sadness
but i have been holding my breath
for too many years
my eyes sting
my ears are popping
my lungs are collapsing from the pressure

please
let me breath

s.s