Its only  9:30...
and im getting that feeling i usually get at about 1:30.
That emptiness that i have begun to believe is heartbreak.
Its only 9:30...
and i want to die like its my last breath.

Its only 9:30 and all i can think of are the thoughts of you and how every minute without you is killing me.

Today.
I could not rise .
Depression kept me there.
It all began with you, you know?
Tomorrow....

I taste your tongue against my cheek.
I feel your hands on me; one tucked ever so gently under my ear the other wrapped around my waist.
I see nothing but black as I focus on you.
I hear my gentle moan, our rocking feet.
I touch the small in your neck the base of your hair between my fingertips.

And as I come to my senses I realize none of it was real in the first place. Was it?

Alice fell in love and bumped her head.
Then Alice saw the world in pinks and reds when they where actually black and white no love in the air.
Alice made friends who thought Alice could save them from the black and white and give them some pink but they only brought Alice down.
Alice began to chase the love but he had no time for her.
Alice began to see the world for what it was.
Alice began to see the world in black and blue.
Alice fell out of love but still was stuck in the rabbit hole.
Alice couldn't take it anymore because Alice realized there was no perfect world and even if she went back life you be terrible.
So Alice ate the mushrooms and drank the bad poison .
Now Alice sees in white.

Her tears flowed down her cheeks and though she was crying over someone else he wish to be the tears that flowed down her cheek and over her rosy cracked lips. She was in no way perfect. Flaws where speckled on her body for everyone to see yet it was never her flaws  that kept him away. It was the same reason he knew she was sitting in the bathroom letting her pain ruin the makeup she placed on her eyes that hid the pain from the rest of the world. That crushing feeling she would never love him back or they would ruin what they "had". He also knew she was waiting for him to rescue her but the hero was afraid...he was human not demigod after all. As she climbs to the mirror to  catch a glimps of who she actually was he looks in wishing he'd gone to her.
Tomorrow she will wear that smile that he looks past. She was always transpartent to him thought everyone thought she was so happy. He could see the pain and instead of stopping it he continued to pray to be the tears that fell over her rosy cracked lips or the hair that got caught there when the pain grew too much.

I was so deeply in love with the though of you loving me. I was so deeply in love with loving you from a far and knowing **** well you knew I was head over heels and ready to throw myself at you no matter what.  
And you liked that didn't you? Knowing.
As the tears spill over my cheek I hope you know no one will ever really love that thought more than me and I know that I have a heartbreak as proof.
Ive given up on the thought because even putting it to action would only end up in my own devistaion because you will never be the man I love in my head.
And thinking about that man I have to realize it was never really you I loved at all.