Your ribs are cages
made by your bones to keep your fluttering heart in.
Your eye lids curtains
to  shield your eyes from what they really don't want to see .
Your body is your oasis made to protect you
dont let the world scare you into turning against it or your heart get too...adventurous.

I constantly feel blue. That light baby blue that comes across the clean sky right after the rain. Its not as pretty of a feeling.  When yellow feelings roll along they mix and make confused. The yellow comes in mustard shades and mix to a rather ***** green. Slowly my confusion grows to anger and all I see is black, as the green got darker and darker until i'm looking into a pit of my emotions. That's when I see red. Not that angry fire red, no, that rosy  red. That red where my blood rushes with water. That perfect color of relief and love... if I could stay red forever,I would...but...
I constantly feel blue.

When your smile turns to a frown.
We used to glance at each other with such hope. Hoping someone would act first.  Now I glance at you hoping to meet that glance one more time so I know I should act. Now, I look away quickly just hoping you don't see the crying hidden behind the fake smiles I use to walk down the hall.
When your smile turned to a frown I realized I was just a fill between her and the next.  I realized you never liked me at all.  And I realized I fall too hard too fast.
When your smile "comes" to me again...this time I know to walk the other way.

My heart used to long for you.
Yet this morning as i woke up I felt nothing and my heart whispered,
" You know...lets just give up on him..."
Now that hurt. My heart was so sad and it had definitely been crying all night.
It crawled back into my chest as I lay there, staring at the ceiling, and locked the door.
I could hear the weeping behind that door. It was my own and tears had begun to flow with the words my heart could never say.
There was a moment where everything went dead. My heart stopped my muscles no longer tense...my blood no longer rushing around my unworthy body.
My brain broken from its shell and   carefully walked to my chest. it sat at the door to my heart and knocked. I knew it wanted to say it was right and we'd find another but it felt so guilty.
So it sat and I laid looking at the ceiling feeling that nothingness and pain.
The heart began throwing things against the door not at the brain but just at life and my brain walked away.
Back in my head my brain stayed silent...more silent than its ever been and here I am now. calling for my heart to come out again....
after him...I doubt it ever will.

I don't get war. Truly.  The bloodbath from guns fired. I don't understand.  I wish we could fight knifes and fists...there would be so much less death I swear. I don't understand why so many have to die for politics. For money and land. We are all the same. We are all humans and  we live this earth as one whether some want to accept this or not. Why must we die?  Nameless soldiers spewn on a battlefield and their lives...meant NOTHING. But a lost battle. Every war. Every Battle. A LOST  fight for all sides.
Petty.
My stomach is calm when I speak of this its my heart that twists and turns like what I wish my stomach did because then it wouldn't hurt as bad.
Petty.

Dear Alcohol,
Don't take me too fast.
I mean I've always known it would be you so...

Dear Alcohol,
We don't talk much I know. But those social occasions, man, you must have gotten me hooked somewhere  between those laughs and puking sessions.

Dear Alcohol,
My parents smoked but I swore never to smoke cause that kills your lungs and you **** yourself kinda slowly..but you...I don't know about you. Maybe because its the liver...and that seems so far away. My lungs are RIGHT next to the heart...I mean,  that's much to fast for the pain I want to wash away at my own pace.  Wash away drink by boring drink.

Dear Alcohol,
You win.

Dear Alcohol,
Make me dance, and smile, and sing your dumb songs. Puppeteer, who i willingly dance, smile, sing let me play pretend. Move my body until your course is through and my body is too used. Until I am no longer a puppet for this game of life but instead a puppet for myself to pity. Dear Alcohol the tears are fake, I promise. The happiness I feel now makes me numb. Dear Alcohol send me drink from those pits of hell from where you play me from. For I am coming. I always knew it would be you.

I freaking hate you, but I love seeing you. Every time I  see you out the corner of my eye I don't know whether to cry, scream or go talk to you. I never will do the latter though  I am depressed. I'm not sorry.  I think about death more than I think about eating, but I never think about eating soo...I think about you more than I think about dying. I need help. I am drowning...I have a habit of ignoring. I have a beautiful smile. You smile like the sun but I know your hurting  too. I can see it cause I see that faded highlight in your eye.. it matches mine but I don't think you'd ever notice that. No. Don't.  I can't love you. I am physically unable to love you. My heart is broken and my spirit small. I need you so bad right now. Have a great day.  I love you.  Please save me before its too late...