I think I will never forget

The way you manipulate me like I was one of you game

You cry when I left and you smile when I got hurt

You knew so much how to hurt me

And I protect myself so much not to let you do it but it continues to run in my veines: this voice telling me it hurts first because it felt so good back then

It should last long because I am supposed not to beleive it

And I stay and you go

And I think and you forget

I wanted you to forget me so much so I could think about you evyday knowing that you will push me away

But tonight I just want to hug

I love to write how I feel every year about my birthday

It never end ... aging ... what can I say about this year

Older I get more young I am looking for

It’s the first time I wanted to party for my birthday but no is there

I think I still love you and it hurts

For one night could we just forget all what happen, you will make my night incredible treat me like a princess and tell me I am lovable and beautiful and everything you ever wanted.

Wait... Am I still dreaming?

Let wakeup tomorrow one year older and get through this life that I am supposed to love so much.

Btw *******

Princess, do you know how to tell that a boy loves you ?

He does not tell the same thing to every other girls.

If he loves you, he won’t lie. If it’s real it won’t fade. If it’s true it will never end.

This is real love! The one that feels unique not copy pasted.

I just get through all of the poems that I wrote one by one crying until i read this text that I actually wrote one year ago crying about my bireday reminding myself how lucky I was and that self love should be the only love that really matters

And that I was actually crying because I was living the life I dreamt of that needs sacrifice and hurt

And at the end ... this year my birthday is coming too and I am still living my dream life so come on let’s keep going

Saying the opposite of what I think
Feeling the contrary of what I should
Keeping smiling to hide everything

My dreams are my only escape  
There I can do what I want
See who I like
Explain all I need
And feel it all

And yet I can’t sleep,
How can I dream if I can’t close my eyes,
How to find what I need if the only place I know your are is in the darkness of my nights?

It’s 3 in the morning
I can’t sleep
I have everything I want,
I am lying in a new bed
Have this awsome job
Nevertheless I cry
I feel alone in this big room
I talk all day as I love
I don’t want to talk anymore
Can I just watch Netflix all night
And order wine ?
I will be fine tomorrow
The sun always come back