Inhale-
Exhale.

A smoke signal plumes from my defiant lips
Shivering in the cold
And rises into the atmospheric light of the city
It was never meant to be an SOS
It was intended to say
"Save yourselves"
But as far as I can see it has fallen entirely upon deaf ears
As just one voice in a confluence of voices-
A river of smoke signals climbing steadily into the smoggy air
Like prayers
To a god we know we don't believe in.

Inhale---------------------

Exhale.

Save yourselves
And it twists and bends and floats away
To meet the others
All screaming some collective emotion that will be left otherwise unexpressed;
And it is probably better that way.

Come darling, emit your sweet scent
Entice me around your flowing stem
Permit me to nestle upon your soft verges
To run hands through your vibrant colours
To dance, embraced as one, we blur
Spinning our deathly spin
Drowning in glorious, lustful sin

Come darling, reveal all you hide
Your vulnerable side
Shed that hard exterior shell
Fill my senses until overwhelmed

We waltz to the tune played
Many times before, oh how it has played!
Resting our heads on shoulders ledge
With a supple movement so slight

We swirl lightly, ever so slightly
Headed down to rest
Until the sun does rise again
And we repeat, nay, we play our lovers rhythm again

oh what sustains this mind

a mind that teeters

on the edge of a spiral vertigo

that sways and rocks

in an unease of palpitations

attempting to escape

from the brutal insensitivity

of the granite faces that occupy the streets

a mind of hallucinated perceptions

with a constant stream of imagery

that finds a difficulty in the self negotiation,

the articulation of its inner geography

where a frightened availability of disturbance

in the vocabulary of its chemical graffiti

leaves speech vacated on the tongue

where eyes are pushed to see

a discord of sympathies for different dimensions

that has one disassociated, cut off from the immediate

living in an inner dialogue

of rebellious and unconventional preoccupations  

a self alienation that heightens

the poetic colouring of the imagination

causes a ******* of the mind

that makes me cripplingly aware

of the abyss at the heart of my inner disquiet

makes my toes hover on the jagged edge of the world

yet I jump choosing discovery over societal dictum

to do rather than be

A cloud surrounds me.
Suffocates.
The lies, they feel so real they must be I can't see anything else anymore so
Clearly, so they must be
Everything I've forgotten, every scar that I had gotten, and the words, the stares, new knife-marks in my skin

I know the Truth, but I can't always discern the lies.

It only takes one, to get in, penetrating my skin. And downward, I spin.
Into the darkness, the abyss. I can't
get out
Drowning
The words and I think I'm the end of everyone's stares. It only takes one thing, to hear, and my mind runs wild. An inescapable spiraling of words and thoughts of self-loathing.
It's a tangled web of heart-broken conditions, misintentions, these afflictions, did you know heartbreak is a diagnosable thing? It is. I decided.
My heart was breaking.
My heart is break
ing.

Tangled misintentions, a wave of self-doubting afflictions, all conditions of this mess
we've woven.
A web we've spun from our brokenness, and in the madness my minds screams,

This is all your fault
Never good enough
Too much, or
Too little
You'll never be whole
Broken beyond repair or care
This is all your fault
Time to leave
Always say never
Because you aren't fit for any
Endeavor
It's better if you leave
You aren't good enough to believe
Just go
Never
good enough

The lies are so thick I can barely breathe
Scars aren't really healed if you're still bleeding from the slashes. Cut hearts and, broken wrists.

And none of it's true and part of me knows it, inside but the lies keep on coming and sometimes
self-deprecation, feels good
self-imposed asphyxiation, fills you up more than air in your lungs could
Because pain is an addiction when we won't believe who we are.
When I don't believe.
I'm just creating more scars.

And the lies wrap me up, suffocating in this web of misintention, but a moment of clarity reveals all these afflictions, I sense the darkness creeping in surrounding and
impounding my heart.
Drowning out the Truth, masking the lies, telling me I should believe I'm worthless.
And the lies
make sense
I'm
suffocating inside
I cry out, inside my heart and my mind

Tell me the Truth, I can't discern the lies.

That
infiltrate my soul, I've heard them so many thousands of times
But the scars haven't healed and I'm still bleeding from the slashes
I need a reason to sing, I need someone to bring me out before the swirling darkness settles in and poison takes over my veins. **** out the venom
Or I'll die here alone

And I cry to hear the Truth that overpowers the lies.

I was alone in a claustrophobic cloud of hateful invention.
And two hands reached in, grasped my shoulders, turned me round.
Looked past my eyes and straight into my soul.
Gentle and loving, I hear,
I will fight past the lies to tell you the Truth.
You're Mine

Stirring listless in bed under a patchwork of broken shade through moonlit blinds
It's 2 a.m.
My face has turned just as blue as the lunar white light as filtered by the night sky
Under the cold
I want you to know that even in growing old the trauma is ceaseless but I can't speak
My lungs imbued
Once with the strength of trees, pull in till my voice cuts, mute, and continue to squeeze
I see your face
Stir so listlessly close to mine, as if you were synchronized, and even closer with open eyes
We respirate

With the breath
From your kiss
Which you so lovingly demonstrate
Let us sleep, let us rust
Imbue me
With the hurt
That you so shamelessly share with me
Respirate

2 a.m.
Under cold
I feel your eyelashes slashing me
Let us crash, let us warm
The trauma
Is Ceaseless
The message is lost, I cannot speak
Both lungs squeeze