dressed in all black
to show some class
keep my front
covered up
but still
show off
my **** ***

high heels on
and some
red lipstick
hoping to
catch your attention

blue eyeshadow
white nail polish
hoping i'd look good
with all of this on me

sweet perfume
with a heavy
price tag
hoping to
smell like
roses
and
vanilla

attachment is worse
than the aftertaste
of a disgusting drink
like mixing ketchup
with mustard
such a bad mix
makes you
want to
throw
up

she's so lovely though
she doesn't show it, no
she smiles a lot
but never opens up
she says a lot
but her words
are blank
i find it all
hard to read
can't analyze
or see what's
between
the lines
but i see
what's inside
a girl wanting
to show herself
for all that she is
and always was

i take things to extreme
if you know what i mean
*** is only fun if
you like it rough
maybe it's just me
thinking passion
comes from
two lovers' creativity
when they **** in bed
maybe I'm just a bit
gone off my head
just a little naughty
but my body's all sweet
i guess that's why when he
mentions whipped cream
that i get lost in a day dream
wishing he was licking it off me

you consume my deepest,
darkest, sickest thoughts.
makes me wish i was dead,
an escape from my head.
migraines from overthinking,
memory loss from drinking,
bleeding knuckles from,
destroying walls.
destructive behavior,
because of a past lover,
a cold hearted mess,
one whom my attraction,
is growing quite intense.
her beauty is extraordinary,
why am i so hung up on,
someone who always hurt me,
not by accident, on purpose,
knocked me down so much,
on the hard pavement.
three years badly spent,
chasing a twisted girl,
who doesn't know,
how to control,
her mind or self,
instead liking to,
manipulate,
someone,
else.

One kiss was enough
To leave me hooked
For a lifetime
Just the way you smiled
When your hand held mine
I thought love was complete
The attraction was discreet
Yet perfectly displayed
I remember the first date
The night we kissed
The day we spent
Organizing plans
Holding hands
Drinking, talking
I also recall
The first time
We made love
That was a special moment for us
At least I thought it was
You were my first
But I wasn't your last
Our connection
Turned into dust

sometimes when i write
i imagine being kissed
right in the middle of
something important
i daydream too much
of the same fantasy
but it keeps me
stuck in a trance
for a long amount
of blissful time
it touches
every part
of my heart
and also
creeps in
to my veins
as well as
my mind
and soul

Thoughts never stop wandering your mind, they leave you out of breath, out of sight, out of mind. There is too many thoughts in my head at any one time. Every second, another thought appears and creeps inside to lurk around. It can leave you feeling happy or blue, depends what your mind is thinking. The mind is dangerous, it knows which buttons to press to make you go insane. People say thoughts are like bullets waiting to meet your mind. Damage is sustained, most of the time. The mind is an interesting piece of us.

my poetry isn't as great
or as articulate
as the others
on this site
but i write
from the heart
and if you relate
i'm thrilled with that
grateful, in fact
that i can touch
a stranger's heart
just from posting
what i feel inside

drinking wine on my own
writing as I carry along
making my way in this town
standing on fair ground
making no sound
just speaking through
my poems
cigarette smoke
is filling me up
from the inside
and out
feeling alright
as the night
slowly comes

i love him
i love you
i love two

he's perfect
but then there's her
babydoll knows how to get it

i feel like a sinner
and to be honest
she deserves better
so does he
but still
he loves me
so does she
even though i
don't seem to
feel the same
but i do

oh god, help me
i'm in love with two
i'm not a player
i just don't know
who to choose

how anyone can
see my flaws
and still want
to see my all
i have no idea
they deserve better
both of them
since i'm
bad luck
for em'

Confidence is barely present anymore, it was replaced with anxiety and panic attacks. The once secure and happy girl I was, she's nowhere to be found. She was last seen about five years ago, falling into a black hole of insecurity and fear. I became the person I swore I'd never be. I changed. Nothing about me is the same any longer, except my name perhaps. Never thought growing up would crush my lively spirit and squeeze the life out of me, like a lemon used to make a bitter glass of fresh lemonade. Growing up has its consequences. It makes you so much more aware of the chaos surrounding you, of the people you know, of the things you thought you knew so well. It gives you a taste of bittersweet truth, of reality and the dark parts of it all. You see the world like never before, and the insight gives you a glimpse of how things will be, later in life. As your emotions build up, your self-esteem lowers, and insecurities make a mess of you and ruins your outlook on everything, including life and love, you'll feel stressed, emotionally tired and life will never be the same.

bubblegum heart
easy to pop
and if you
break it
you'll be stuck
in a sticky situation
a strange love
equation

i'm like porcelain
easy to build
easy to break
easy to hurt

jealousy is my only sin
a pure love dedication
mhm, yes, baby, oh yes
you poison every
little part of me
but i like it when
you set my body free
it makes me crave
all that you have
all that you are

technically we are only friends
but you're in my explicit dreams
i think of you controlling me
and I get a serious thrill
poisonous lips
set me free
for this love
i would ****

take me home
let me be
your only one
love me through
the dark nights
the sunsets
the sunny skies
the storms

When I look at my sister
I see nothing but beauty
But when I look in the mirror
All I see is nothing but ugly

I'll never be more
Than what I am

I'll never be sure
Of what I see
I'll never like me

I feel so unattractive
I feel like my mirror
Is secretly laughing
And all my friends
Are secretly gasping
Wondering how
My mirror
Isn't already
Showing signs
Of cracking

in the worst possible state of mind
there's so much I regret
wish I could leave it
stuck in a maze
caught up
in a daze
****,
get me out
of this place
before all hell
breaks loose
and I accidentally
might break me
as well as you

I have this pain
in my chest
sleep never works
I can never rest
I can feel the strain
the colliding emotion
it's drowning me again

I can feel the pressure
it's hard to measure
is it this much?
or the opposite
of all this?

thought overload
feels like my heart
is going to explode

I have no function
new year but still
I'm broken
and lost
getting caught up
in too much ****

trying to find myself
but it's so rough
picking myself up
from the ground
that's already tough

feels like my heart
has had enough

I'm falling apart
at the seams
losing myself
like I do
in my nightmares
as well as my dreams

suffocating in thought
breaking as we speak
I'm losing it
as we talk

I'm feelin' it
hope you are too
hungry for love
but mostly you

I have a mouth
that I wanna use
to show off my skills
hoping to impress you

your love is sweet
good enough to eat
all I wanna do is please
like I do in my dreams

Taking a moment to breathe
Reminding myself
Of the reason
I have strength
I will not break
Even though it's late
And my heart is bruised
Damaged and used
And left by you
To rot and die
Left myself asking why
Why am I more dead
Than alive?
You left a hole
I can't fill
I can never be whole
You have my soul
Wish I gave it to the devil
At least he'd use it well
Unlike you, my dear
You left me in fear
Of love and life
I am dead inside
My feelings collide
And I lose my grip
I let my dignity slip
Into the cracks
Of sadness
You saved me
But left me
Feeling
Even more
Alone and empty
Than I was before
Before you entered
That faulty door
Now I feel despair
The love is here
But you aren't near

Spent the day inside
Because the city's cold
Yet it's only two
And I think of you
How you'd want me to live
I just wanna see you smile
Wish you were alive
My dear sunshine

When I think of a drug
I think of your love
When I need touch
I think of our bodies
And how nice it feels
Whenever they are close
When I think of lips
I think of yours
And how well
They kiss mine
And get me lost
In a daze
A hell of a
Love spell

i miss being 15
when i was me
when i felt pretty
when i was happy
when i was carefree
when life was in front
and my fears were at the back

past forward 6 years...
hello anxiety attacks
hello ana and the rest
goodbye happiness
hi sleepless nights
hello bottle in my sight
goodbye freedom of speech
hi insecurities
goodbye to feeling like me
hello to the society
who destroyed me
and all i was meant to be

i hate who i became
all that is the same
is my birth name

i miss you more
i always do
don't tell me
otherwise
because i will
disagree with you

you say all the right things
that seep into my veins
you say it's all changed
but we still feel the same
i never forgot your texts
the moments i spent
trying to get out
of my comfort zone
just so i could
be the one
that you love
and adore

i miss how it used to be
but i wouldn't change the past
because you stuck around
when i needed you the most
and that means the world to me

i love you so much
never leave my side
without you
my life is worthless
i need your love
in order to survive
i need you
in order to smile
i need you
in order to cope
with every day life
you make life seem
so very valuable
you make life seem
so very beautiful

Memories fall apart
Like an angel in the dark
(She's clinging onto life)

Memories cut you from inside
They bleed you out until you're dry
(Love kills people every night)

Such a lovely disaster
Nightmare, such a blunder
We used to be such lovers
Until we broke each other
And became perfect strangers

Take my heart,
I don't want it back

Take my love,
I'll get through it

Heartbreak shows us
Never love and never trust
(Unless you wanna die inside)

People will heal you
Then they'll leave you
(It's all a game, alright)

People will deceive you
Then wonder why
It's breaking you
They never care
Until they see you happier
With someone that isn't them
Only then, they'll want you near
Wanna know every detail

(No, go to hell and stay there)

the pressure on my head is surreal
the pain causes me to feel
bouts of utter despair
i feel numb sorta
just take this away
I can't deal with it
for much longer

I write to get my emotions out, to ease the pain, to help me get rid of disgustingly strong feelings for people, to reflect on certain situations and remind myself that I deserve more than what I got in the past. I spent so long, thinking it was wrong to fall hard, when in reality, it was wrong to settle for nothing but cheap words and ******* promises. Love is never wrong, unless you're falling for the one who won't bother catching you. That's a heartbreaking thing to realize, and to accept, especially when it's a person who easily affects you in every aspect.
Never settle for less than you deserve. Love the one who loves you. Don't make the same mistake I did.