Stop resenting me
For the way I shop
The things I do
To make sure
My  food is fresh

I confess I feel blueberries
In my fingers
To make sure they are firm
Not too ripe

I confess I shake
Cans of spaghetti and ravioli
So that I know
The sauce is not
Congealed

I confess I pull  frozen waffles
From the back of the freezer
Less likely that they thawed
And refroze into
Oddball shapes

I confess I smell trout
Before I buy it
Placing it against my nose
In the most unabashed
Way

Spare me your hate
About my consumer habits
When I know it has nothing to do with
Food

As long as I bring you warm release
In the darkness of your desires
Pull your tangled hair the way
You like
Bite your darting tongue
In mad hunger
Deep appetite

As long as I reawaken the
Woman
Primal animal hidden
Within
Turn your heat into a river
For a long passionate
Swim

As long as I attend quickly to your
Every ***** command
The craving of your ******
Insatiable
Demand

Then  I can squeeze french bread
In quiet and peace
I can sniff cantaloupes
Without suffering ire
Or grief

I’ll take you tonight
In that filthy way
You like

Until then

Leave me alone

I’m shopping.

Heart thumping
Face on the desk
We're talking about suicide
And I know what comes next

She tells us not to look
We have to close our eyes
She says it's an anonymous survey
And I wonder if I should lie

Raising our hands is a yes
And everything inside me
Screams no while I
Try to calm my bouncing knee

I raise a tentative hand
When she asks if we've considered suicide
That tentative hand raise is the largest step I've taken
And part of me feels peace deep down inside

I want to know you moved and breathed the same world as me.
says Fitzgerald
but everyone disappears, no matter who loves them
says eggers
let us forget, with generosity, those who cannot love us
says Neruda
they say. they say. they say.
they speak.
and they change me.

Do you sometimes feel
that your beauty is fading?
Soft creases around your eyes?

Are you trying to hold on
to what the years are taking
feeling the last of youth as it dies?

There is, however, a certain time
when a woman 'comes into her own'
and has a wisdom within her life

An intuitive inner confidence
unveiling outer calm
a knowing in her sighs

She has an understanding of her image
her soft curves and their affects
fragments of her self consciousness rapidly dies

A sureness to her sensual style
air of authority to her stride
an enlightenment no one can deny

Embrace the creases that tell your story
your beauty will continue to mystify
a choice today that you can decide

The years of youth are never lost
they're carried forever within
our body, is youth, just a little more disguised

Butterflies and pills
Broken window sills
You left me here
With the wind
If I jump
Is it a sin?

And the  Moth that has been with me through my travels whispers: The walls are thinner now,
the strikes come and the blades are sharp
they cannot understand the darkness you have endured
and some of your friends sleep with the women you're seeing
and some of them conspire to keep you down
And the woman you're with lays with multiple men and spits at your liberty

And the one you love more than anything is the one ramming you in the back with a sharpened knife
And still they try to hurt you
unaware that you have endured the intense low-vibrational frequencies  of prisons in the Orion constellation
As energies like these are sent to places like Guantanamo Bay and the lows of Inner Earth and several underground torture camps

You return a hermit to society, broken.
BUT IF YOU BELIEVE THEN YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMETHING
You have to know that there is something greater out there, that there is a Higher Power and the Higher Power is within you
And that no pain or hardship can stand above This Power
That even death succumbs to this Power
Then you know that you have found the Source
Then you know you have been exiled and if you survive the emotional scars, psychological wounds and spiritual turmoil then you know that you have escaped hell
That's when you become Renaissance Man  
That's when you know that you can stand among the Watchers, that's when you know that you have earned your place in the Galactic Councils
That's when you know that the Human Race Has A Chance
This is when you know without a doubt that you are Free.