i cant sleep
i keep thinking about our short time together.

about how you ran your hands through my hair, and held me while i told you my secrets.

about how comfortable i became with you so quickly.

about the feeling of your lips on my skin.

about the soft words whispered in the dead of night.

about how ******* attached to you i am.

about how, in such a short amount of time, you have grown to be so important to me.

about how much i miss you
how much i want you
how much i yearn to be loved by you.

and lastly.
about how, you don’t feel the same

my heart is aching, yearning for you.


is it selfish that i hope you're feeling this way too?

i wish i could understand why you did it.
but i don’t think i ever will.
why did you pretend to care for so long?
it was evident you didn’t, and still don’t.

i wish i could understand why i did it.
but i don’t think i ever will.
why did i let myself believe you for so long?
and; why does a a little part of me still believe

today is better,
we're pretending it didn't happen.

ignoring the issue instead of solving it.

we're fine for now but,
like everything.

it will come back to haunt us.

realistically i knew this would never work,
we would never work.
yet i let myself believe that what you said was true,
that you really were interested in me,
in pursuing a relationship with me.

but all of that blew up in my face, huh?

i haven’t been writing lately.
i’ve felt content with how things are, finally.
but after that night,
these poems are practically writing themselves.

why is it that i’m only inspired after you’ve hurt me?

this will most likely the last poem i write for you.

i'm finally over you.
finally over everything you put me through.

seeing you again, after everything, was the closure i needed.

but at what cost?

i'm not sure things will ever be healed between us.
we tolerate each other, even enjoy our time together.

but at the end of the day you *******
        R U I N E D  M E

and i don't think i'll ever forgive you for that.

i tend to forget most bad things,
i'm not sure why.

maybe its to protect myself from the memories,
or to save myself from feeling that way again?

but i'm starting to forget the good things too.

i can barely remember what your voice sounded like,
your laugh,
the color of your eyes.

i can't recall the things we did together,
or even why we stopped.

you're escaping my memories.

and,
maybe that's for the best.

home is where the heart is,
pulsing dark and ****** on the counter.
you should probably clean that up.

not drunk in love,

just drunk.


on the illusion of you.

you make me itch.
itch to leave,
to run away.
you say i deserve better,
and i know i do.
but i can’t leave,
i can’t scratch the itch.

looking back on my poems i shouldve seen this coming.
i’ve been wary of you since the day we met.
i knew you were someone i could fall in love with,
and you knew i was someone who you never could.
yet you led me on and waited until we were finally alone, after months, to tell me what i already knew.
you don’t love me, you never did.
why am i so upset?

this isn’t real love,

this is infatuation.

a longing for affection,
and accepting it from anyone offering.


i know this.
yet here i am.

i can't even begin to describe how i felt in that moment.
when you looked in my eyes before pulling me close and whispering,

'i'm so happy i met you.'

how lucky i felt when you fell asleep with your head on my chest.

how grateful i was when you made that stupid ******* playlist for me.

how content i felt in your arms.

how comfortable i was with you in such a small amount of time.

how devastated i was to say goodbye.

how i feel now, writing this.

how i'll feel tomorrow, undoubtedly thinking about you.

i could never describe the impact you have had on me.

but i want you to know

exactly how much you mean to me.

i’m trying to distance myself from you,
but you’re making it so ******* difficult.

i need you,
and that’s not healthy.

my heart is full of white noise.

you are the only thing of importance that resides there.

i haven’t been writing lately,
but i also haven’t been feeling anything.

i’ve been numb for days,
just kind of floating along.

waiting for something to happen,
and wake me up.

i always forget,
that i can't reach out and touch you,
or visit whenever i want.

i keep thinking i'll see you again soon,
and that it's just a matter of time.

but, this.
this has shown me that nothing is set in stone.
nothing lasts forever.

especially not the good things,
they seem to pass the fastest.

you passed through my life so quickly.
i can't get you out of my mind.

please,
please come back.

i have so much to say to you,

but i'll never say it,

so instead,

i post it here.

there is nothing i wouldn't do to relive last night.

i want nothing more than to just sleep in your arms one more time.

i'm scared of how important to me you've become in such a short amount of time.

within days you have rooted yourself into my brain,
occupying every passing thought.

you have secured your place in my heart in less than a week.

what are you?

maybe one day i’ll show you the work you’ve inspired.

but not anytime soon.

i’m scared you’ll hate me for the way i see you

i wish i didn’t do this every ******* time.

i get so attached so quickly,
you’re the only thing on my mind.

the first thing when i wake up,
and the last thing when i fall asleep.

you’re in everything i see or do.
i cant get you out of my **** head.

but,
our conversations have become rarer and more tense.

and still,
i think of nothing but you.

i can feel you growing distant,
yet i’m still becoming more and more attached to you.

you’re walking away as i’m clinging to the thought of you.

just like every other person.

you're like that one song,
the one that,
out of nowhere,
gets stuck in my head.

i can only remember a few of the lyrics,
i haven't heard this song in years.

i remember the beat,
the feeling,
perfectly.

and finally,
after days of having you stuck in my head,
i remember the name of the song.

i listen to it again,
after going so long without.

and i can't stop.

i fear i am too much for you.

too many feelings,
both good and bad.

too many opinions,
too much anxiety,
too much noise.

i'm afraid you don't want me anymore,
now that you've gotten to know me.

now that you've realized how clingy i am,
how i thrive off of attention,
how much trauma i've been through and how badly it has affected me.
now that you know how honest i am,
how much i overshare with some people,
and never share with others.
now that you are aware how the smallest thing can put me in the worst mood,
how i need constant validation or i shut down.

i am so ******* terrified,
that i've scared you away.

just by showing you who i am

it took two days,

two days for you to make me feel this way.

two days for me to become addicted to the feeling of your hand in mine,
your lips on mine.

two days for me to become reliant on the sound of your laugh,
the endearing look on your face when i embarrass myself.

two days for me to become so attached to you.

ever since we’ve met,
every breakdown i’ve had,
save two,
was over something you did.

maybe that’s a sign?

please.  



                    stop


    i keep screaming, begging for this


feeling to end.

i wish i could be more like you.

more outgoing,

less terrified of every small thing.


more self confident,

less unstable.


we're too different,
                                                          i dont know if this,
                                                          if we,
                                                                        will work out.

i just wish this was enough for me to stop wanting you.

but i still do and i don’t know how to stop.