I woke up early this morning
to find thorny vines
wrapped around me
The thorns pierced deeply
into my flesh
I howled,
My broken flesh bled
I lay tangled in a heap,
helpless on my bed

I finally wriggled myself free
I ran up to my mirror
to see
bruises and open wounds
All over my body
I fell to the ground and cried,
Because I saw myself
as ugly and broken
Who could ever love
Someone as hideous as me?

I cleared my bed of the thorny vines
And curled up into a ball on my white sheets
I left the world far behind
as I drifted off into
a silent world
of sleep.

My body bears the scars,
but it's my heart that bleeds.

When I'm in my pain
I feel as if I could bear
a thousand scars
and still survive.

As one realization after another
rose up in me and wrecked my mind,
while remembering their loveless behavior
I suddenly understood that
Letting go
starts with the truth.

the dancers
dance in unison
the sun is their pinnacle
they reach for it,
with arms outstretched
towards a sky painted magnificent hues
of orangey blues and bold violets

my mind follows them
dreams of them
my heart yearns for them
I see the dancers in my mind
they're siphoning my time,
my energy,
all my other desires runs dry
I lay restless in my bed,
as elaborate dancing plays in my mind's eye

I drift off into slumber finally,
when I can no longer fend off sleep
I find myself in a dance studio
twirling wildly
hands raised in reverence
for life itself
I stop abruptly
and step up to the mirror
I make eye contact with myself
time seems to stop
it feels like these moments
of solitude
are when I'm most alive,
most known,
understood,
cherished,
seen.

I walk over to the large window
overlooking the city
storm clouds have formed
people go about their business
down below
they look like little ants
frantically on the go.
I press my cheek to the glass
and close my eyes
what a delight it is,
to find safety within the
interior of my mind.

A secret collapsed behind ribs,
Tucked back into the furthest recesses
Sitting, contemplating
Commiserating herself
Her thoughts are finches that encircle her mind
Chirping, chirping
Making her blind

When you're lost in thought
It's hard to see
The world around you, and all of
it's possibility
When you're scared to hurt
You're scared to live
Living in a container
Of premeditated caution

What would it be like
To live a shackles free life?
To taste joy again,
To feel the child you suppressed within
Get to experience life again
Through grateful eyes,
A hungry heart
and a mischievous mind....

There is no need to wallow in regret,
We all have times when we're stagnant
But break down the dam to your heart,
Let the waters flow free!
You were meant for so much more
Than mediocrity.

The waves, they roll
Onto the shore
I walk, step by step
Keeping with the rhythm of my heart

The ocean swirls and sputters,
Playing with my toes
Translucent teal water,
Reflecting the hue of my soul

I walk into the ocean,
My white dress floats above my body,
I continue to walk,
Further, into the cold water

The sun is setting,
A red heart shining in the sky,
I reach to touch Her,
If only I could fly

I let the tide carry me out
As I float upon the water,
Carry me out to sea
Dissolve all my borders.

It's not you against me, can't you see?
It's not blacks against whites,
Men against women,
Refugees against citizens
Religious against non-religious
Conservatives against liberals
Democrats against Republicans....
We're at war with our humanity

Oftentimes I catch myself thinking:
"I hate humans"
I can understand why I feel this way sometimes
Humans can be so cruel
I've been bullied, rejected, abandoned,
slandered, ignored,
left alone to fend for myself
I understand the deep reverberating pain
of our sick society,
I know from experience

I know what it feels like to be "othered,"
to be misunderstood
To be dealing with so much pain and
darkness
and have people shame you
for what you're going through

I've seen and known evil
I've seen it destroy those I love
I've witnessed it eat away slowly
at my own soul
during the times
I was blinded by darkness,
By my own sin
By my own insignificant suffering

And yet, I've been the perpetrator too
Shame overwhelms me
As I recount
When I was tyrannical,
unforgiving,
judgemental,
cruel,
self-righteous,
a gossiper,
a slanderer,
un-loving....
I can be a very idealistic person,
And talk all about
How we all have to love each other more
And REALLY follow Jesus,
like abandon our comfortable lifestyles
for the sake of the gospel,
And yet what am I doing?
When I spew these ideologies,
I'm thinking of how I would benefit if everyone
loved me more,
was there for me more....
I'm telling everyone to become the people
I think I need them to be for me
But what if what I'm telling everyone else to be for me
Is exactly what I have to be for myself?

Orange sun-ripened
Bliss
Heaven dripping down my lips
Streaming down my sun-kissed skin.