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Čortoloman  May 2018
hu,man
Čortoloman May 2018
A: Don't you find it irritating?

Z: Hm?

A: Don't you find irritating the human need to feel happiness?

Z: Isn't that only natural? When you are happy you feel good. So
you will want to feel good when you aren't happy right?

A: But that's not natural. Being happy is just a state you can be at. It's not the state you were at before or after. Being neutral is a state you came from and will go to.

Z: So should I feel the need to be sad when I'm happy just as I have the need to fell happy when I'm sad?

A: No, that does nothing. You shouldn't feel anything at all. Or have a need to in the first place.

Z: That makes no sense. Life is what the living does. You can't live without a need to feel can you?

A: Well maybe being alive is not a natural state to be at as well! If it was you wouldn't die or be born.

Z: What do you mean?

A: Well maybe life and death are also just a state you can be at, but neither are the natural states...

Z: Ugh... Third state beside Life and Death?

A: Yeah!

Z: What would that be?

A: Well for that to work I guess there would have to be a third party involved, like a soul or something, then we could say that it's only your body that is alive or dead. Your soul is then just a presence that trough a medium called body is collecting experience.

Z: What about emotions?

A: Let's add another body in the picture! Call it „emotional body“. Emotional body is using a physical body as a medium to get experience from the world and then there is a soul that is using the emotional body as a medium so we get a perfect being!

Z: Isn't that a bit of a stretch?

A: Who knows.... But then we could say that there is finally a natural state to be at. It is called „Soul state“. In this state you resonate your three bodies (the physical, emotional and soul bodies). In this state you are not „Alive“ or „Dead“, you are not „Happy“ or „Sad“, you are just a presence.

Z: And how would you get to this state called „Soul state“??

A: Well you should ask yourself why do the other two bodies exist in the first place?

Z: Hm.. Well to experience things right?

A: Yeah..

Z: Ohhh! So the soul is a presence that trough the two bodies experiences things! So once it has experienced all there is to see and feel. It will finally enter the „Soul state“!!

A: exactly!

Z: But isn't there just soo much? We don't really have enough time to experience all there is...

A: well who said you live only once..

Z: Reincarnations?

A: Mhm.

Z: But why don't we remember things from our past lives?

A: Well it would be rather easier to experience everything if you think you have only so much time. That way you will use all of the time given to you to live at your fullest!
Story I came up with to connect the puzzle pieces together in a way that i feel comfortable with XD
The Dybbuk  Mar 2018
Word Search
The Dybbuk Mar 2018
c n i r p o e o x u c g p n s h g v i y
v p y r g s k e k q w g x e o r q k q d
h d l z f e f z o l i o c z e v e n o v
s e a s x p n l c x c g j d s r o p o a
c k c t h a y k h k t x j u a z n j h f
w k g q d c h v i w x u g z f a d i p z
f t x q p s n p q v m f u s b u a v k x
b h m h g e w k z d q b i l z r n q d k
c p u u y i c v l g k u e o b i j t k v
f j n w k g t t f s y q m g n r d e f l
t y o r j h e g v w v g z c d p m g c r
m s j f a q h e s f s o n x h z y s s k
z b u b m n m e v a t o m a d j f l c a
x q g x n a g y l f l h z b m w l k s q
y p e g g f y b b z o p x g c u f b t a
h e l p j g r z n x z e d g n n c s b b
n o i t c a r t s i d u z w u w w f r j
z l t f n t d o j u p o p k t l y s s k
d m a x f l m s s r b m z g m a i o q j
e r n i o w h k s q m o e t u r w u s a
I cannot forget...
אני לא יכול לשכוח

©  STEPHAN PICKERING / חפץ ח"ם בן אברהם
12 Shevet 5778 / 28 January 2018
revised:
3 Iyyar 5758 / 28 April 2018
19 Iyyar 5778 / 4 May 2018
20 Iyyar 5778 / 5 May 2018
21 Iyyar 5778 / 6 May 2018

Shabtai Zisel / 'Bob Dylan' (1964):
'Forget the dead you've left, they
will not follow you'

W.G. Sebald z"l (1966):
'And so, they are ever returning to us,
the dead'

I.

the Path / derekh is silent,
a vacuum,
resonating with the
footsteps of tzaddikim, whose
teachings transcend(ed)
the Kingdom of Night...

where there was no longer
kefitzat ha'derekh
shrinking of the road
jumping the Path
teleportation.

...un die vvelt hot geshivign,
taught Reb Elie Wiesel z"l...
& the world remained silent.

not existing for themselves,
the tzaddikim speak with the
Shekhinah from their throats,
and the mar'ot johanna
visions of johanna
are witnessed by breslover
chavurot on desolation row,
murmurations of starlings
overhead.

listening to them, we survive
to walk / dorekh
the Path, with kabbalists z"l,
R. Chiyya & R. Yose,
the chevraya kadisha
the holy companions,
a derekh through the sea,

away from the energy vampyrism
& relentless phantasmagoric
cyberstalking of
the phantasmagoric Queene,
who engages in quacker
cross-contamination,
while prising her mindfully
plagiarising lips (a mirror image
of a death's-head hawk moth)
for a crucifictionist wafer:

a tax-deductible, copyright charity
deduction for ontological delusions
long after midnight,
clutching her cossetted Yehu'di
hatreds like
a perforated osculatorium,
because, שמח בחלקו.

    ****

Reb Uri Tzvi Greenberg z"l, 1923 [trans.
Michael Weingrad]:
'For so long there has been no water
in the wells. Only curses. ...& suddenly
the icons scream in Yiddish'.

II.

Light is the absence of Darkness,
to acknowledge Rav Rebecca
Newberger Goldstein.
& the holy slow train moves
(when it does)
sideways across flat earths.

consider the post-Auschwitz dilemma for
an opus dei natz'ri  who cannot grasp
the etymology:

prae / before + posterus / coming after
praeposterus / reversed, absurd.

did Shabtai Zisel / 'Bob Dylan' influence the
teachings of R. Yitzhak Luria z"l ?

III.

memories are stalking & ambuscading,
& as you said, Reb David Meltzer z"l,
'the Yehu'di in me is the ghost of me'...

& now the hourglass is invisible...

the windows of perception
to be peered into,
not out of,
as hairline fractures
develop in the retinas of narrow-ruled
yellow writing tablets masquerading
as frenetic mirrors,

never glimpsing tzefiyat ha'yeshu'ah,
the expectation of salvation.

& we are here,  
witnessing cyberian corpses
erecting three-way mirrors to their
obbligato and  mindfulness for girl
children...the mantras of a white
supremacist ****** ****** trained to
effect genocide  at a distance, his
audible hungering  for the  rapture  
of an endloesung in his drive-by
dark carnival, having no
farraginous self to say farewell to.

Lilith, the Midrash teaches, ate the
'bones' of Her enemies, but the
****** uses prayer beads as
majong ***** fired from his cap gun.

IV.

'she' stands on the bamboo porch,
thinking the lotus leaves floating by
are a reflexion of 'her' crumbling
totenkopfverbaende phantasies.

long after midnight, she shrieks to
a cyberian Mytilene, her mind so narrow,
thoughts are forced to crawl through her
fossilised ***** majora, which she identifies

as a personal luchot ha'edot, the glass
**** molded by her proboscis tongue,
as it fabricates yet another delusion
of a 1967 that never happened.

'she' turns, stepping onto an
embroidered nationalsozialist
matt,  'her'eyes a frail ambassador
of demure malice.

it is a moment such as this, when 'her'
desire of wanting to have been an
Auschwitz  Aufseherin, cannot be  
masqued  as a playful Latrodectus mactans.

ephemeral fabrications cling to 'her' --
an unbroken dance of impetuous
mirrors, as 'she' remains on the
porch, clutching 'her' 'we' aliases,

thinking, somehow, they are 'her'
aharon ha'bris...



V.

interlude / הַפסָקָה

Kafka z"l:
'I am divided from all things
by a hollow space'

Shabtai Zisel / 'Bob Dylan':
'I felt that place within, that
hollow place, where martyrs
weep, & angels play with sin'

Rav Yitzhak Luria z"l:
after tzimtzum,
the withdrawal of
'ehyeh 'asher 'ehyeh,
there came to be
halal ha'panui,
'the hollow space'

R. Shabbatai Sheftel ben
Akiva Horowitz z"l, 1719.
Shefa tal [Frankfurt edition]
3.5, 57b [Hebrew]:
'Before the world's bere'****,
'ayin sof withdrew into its essence,
from itself to itself within itself.
It left halal ha'panui within its
essence, in which it emanated
and created' [emended from Reb
Daniel Matt 1995]

VI.

sh'ma...'mir veln zey iberlebn, iberlebn, iberlebn'
(Lublin Chassidim z"l, 1939)...
hear: 'we shall outlive them, outlive them,
outlive them'...

why did R. Moshe Sofer z"l teach
'Chadush aser min ha'toray' / 'What
is new is forbidden in the Torah'?

the trolls here & what they call 'poetry':
collections of letters on a flickering
moon-glow  computer screen behind
a suburban curtain,
letters having no glyphs or sounds,
all encased in Sho'ah denial...

and yet. white supremacist sock monkeys
cannot silence the memories of the
thousands of Yehu'dit children z"l
burned alive on pyres, June-August 1944,
in the holy natz'ri village of Auschwitz,
in october country.

לעולם לא עוד לעולם לא עוד

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...with thanks to my akhim / brothers & poets,
D.J. Carlile & George Dance & Will Dockery
for reading previous drafts...
...and to the memories z"l of David Meltzer 17 February 1937-31 December 2016
& Anthony Scaduto 7 March 1932-12 December 2017...chaver'im / friends
& for the 'or from R. Paul Laderman z"l &
R. Meyer Goldberg z"l

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STEPHAN PICKERING / חפץ ח"ם בן אברהם
Torah אלילה Yehu'di Apikores / Philologia Kabbalistica Speculativa Researcher
לחיות זמן רב ולשגשג...לעולם לא עוד
THE KABBALAH FRACTALS PROJECT
לעולם לא אשכח



IN PROGRESS: Shabtai Zisel benAvraham v'Rachel Riva:
davening in the musematic dark
ZACK GRAM Mar 2019
never
wont ever find a man like Z
i achieve
wont ever find a man like Z

g when i ball you cant lie ,
you shall fail i shall win,
this a classic,
so call me the only **** real g left,

i believe its true, awaiting destiny,
here down to my last breathe,
wont ever find a man like Z

in the suites like crispy creme,
yall know it hurts,
backlash,
when you try an **** with me,

you know i ball till i fall,
projects laws from the block,
lil homies fresh out on bail,
ready to promote fear,

fort knox on the scale *****,
same story,
******* looking for some glory,
bet they will snitch,

like the game is told,
fame came with gold,
no second place trick,
thats how the code goes,

ain shedding no more tears,
even if homie gets locked up,
makes you think,
shouldnt have put the body in the trunk,

hit the ****, you know the deal,
its only right B,
im here for you from the beginning,
yall wont ever have a man like Z,

"bring out the best in you, come **** with me,
my destinys your destiny, yall wont ever find a man like Z,

~in the future we will be, together forever its our destinys, yall wont ever find a man like Z,"~

things wont be the same oh my lord i might blow my brains,
let the money rain, theres no more pain, fall in like bootcamp were war fearless, dodging enemy fire, no paid holidays just a lethal business,

by now they hear me, this aint no draw, droppin bodies, barely surviving, come try an stop me youll die fast, because its our hobby,

no test, no heaven descent, i stay prepped with sticks youll die when i squeeze the trigger *****,

looking down on the nation, considering world *******, ive seen people give up like noone loves them,

how deep do will we sink? you think im gonna drown? other countries go down with the push of a button, so dont make me push it yet,

dont try an play me, everything i own i earned from work, i wont let you confiscate it,

call me the PRESIDENT, i stay blowing trees, so put my song on the radio, going down in history, yall wont ever have a man like Z,

~"bring out the best in you, come **** with me,
my destinys your destiny, yall wont ever find a man like Z,

in the future we will be, together forever its our destinys, yall wont ever find a man like Z,"~

i pray that you listen, i promise to be there, im hurting so bad, this has to be hell,

at a young age i said father forgive me, confess my sins, so how can i win and not be a victim ? ******* *******, get tossed i died alone,

talk to my homie in prison, till my phone died, i tried, this isnt right/ my boys got 25 to life, back to the drawing board one more time, go die,

send some comisary down the log, no more lines, ****** up how they gotta sleep in the penetentiary they whole lives,

tragedy, this cant be, outlaw till im dead, serving up these fiends, hit up my tre deuce set, drop the elbows an get to coasting, chick want my d bad, got that ***** straight bussin,

when will i be free a equal citizen of this foreighn body, this your boo baby, your lover an home body, yall wont ever have a man like Z,

~"bring out the best in you, come **** with me,
my destinys your destiny, yall wont ever find a man like Z,

in the future we will be, together forever its our destinys, yall wont ever find a man like Z,"~
Z-PAC

— The End —