This is like Schrodingers cat.
The trees bend and sway to impossible feats, but the moment I notice them, they stop.
What an amazing world we live in that is able to produce such absurd and seemingly unrealistic mechanics.
Oh what a day in the life of a quantum physicist must feel like.
Does he experience life the same as I, the "artist," based solely on creative expression and abstraction, or does he live in a purely mathematical realm where theorems and equations are the only facet of creation and intelligence?

You treat me like schrodingers cat
And some times I just don't get that
I was alive when you slammed the lid
And now I'm as scared as a little kid
But you have to sort out your own head
And you leave me here filled with dread
Because when I really really need you
You act like you haven't a clue
Are you afraid my sadness will hurt you to much
That my agony will be to much for the touch
That's ok I'll keep it locked away
And maybe, just maybe one day
You'll lift the lid to look inside
Only to find out I have died

You treat me like Schrodingers cat
And some times I just don't get that
I was alive when you slammed the lid
And now I'm as scared as a little kid
But you have to sort out your own head
And you leave me here filled with dread
Because when I really really need you
You act like you haven't a clue
Are you afraid my sadness will hurt you to much
That my agony will be to much for the touch
That's ok I'll keep it locked away
And maybe,  just maybe one day
You'll lift the lid to look inside
Only to find out I have died

I'm a scientist *****,
Don't you know what the means?
I've got a P.h.d in physics,
Bring ya down to your knees.
I'll find your resonance frequency ,
You'll be runnin' scared,
Make you quake like Nagasaki
E=Mc^2
Yea,
Ya know the ladies love me when they're rubbin up on me
I give em' cash they shake that *** they're gettin wet off this salary
I make a hundred thousand mother ******' Gs a year,
Now whatta you do?
Sit around smoke dope and drink beer?
You wanna shoot me?
You can try if you like,
But I can predict the path of a bullet in mid flight,
I'll drop you faster than gravity with the sound of my gat,
**** you with more certainty than Schrodingers cat.
Well,
Galileo, Galileo
Whats my name?
Your girl orbits my **** she gives me head everyday

You know what entropy says?
All things must come to an end,
Well I'm your catalyst *****,
Make you wish you was dead.

What is Life?

Schrodingers thinking
Lingering still
In the recess of Mitchell’s mind.
Where proton pumping
And electron streams
Released the energy
That powered the dreams
Of Crick and Watson’s thinking.
Exculting the coils
That toss and dance
To the chance of whimsical nature.
The random acts of random doings
Not knowing,
Mr Darwin explained
As better the dance
The better the themes
That evolve from primeval electron streams.


What quantum edge has uncertainty given
To Darwin’s original thinking?
Is the particle here
Or is it there
Where starry light, twinkling
Prompts the notion
That the galactic ocean

………………….to be completed

Copyright David Applin May 2015

I just can't seem to get out of my head these days,
that's why I've got a penchant for smiling, when it rains.
You don't quite see the sun when you dwell in the shade,
I've grown beyond a longing for it's warmth on my face.

Nothing's concrete, I see the grey in your white and black.
It's a paradoxical existence, much like Schrodingers' cat.
Am I dead or alive? ****, where the hell am I at that?
My thoughts zip through my head like a thousand angry gnats.

Living The Heart of Darkness things seem increasingly insane,
but I'm trapped on this twisted river, heading deep into my brain.
Maybe it's because in here, I form monsters out of pain.
To feel emotion's difficult, but monsters can be slain.

This is interesting.
I have no direction in writing this.
I guess this is me trying to understand,,,,,myself?
or you?
us.,. maybe.

have i moved on?
my brain has, yes
but my heart is stubborn
like any true italian, stubborn as all hell
add to that being straight white dude and you've got what i call
Emotional Stubborn City, Population:
                          Me

These poems for me have always meant a lot
They always will
And now adays i dont even bother to rhyme
not always
but if i had to try

Id be something like this
an abyss
lies deep within me
a hole
empty;soul
within me
i am happy yes
but when i see him kiss you
i cant help but scream.

Months ago you said it was a petty crush
nothing of.
months ago i lied and it ended up biting me back.
months ago i didn't know how to explain my emotions
and i still
                                  *******
        cant
and months ago it all added up to me weeping on an apartment balcony in Tokyo.
my best friends behind me, confused.
offering me another beer while i stand shirtless in the rain
knowing his arms are wrapped around you.
and mine are dangling two stories up.
I look up and see an old lady hang her clothes.
gather up the strength thinking,
"a shirtless gaijin across from her probably isnt what she wants to see at 11pm"
i dont sleep that night

when i come back to this hermit of a city, things are different.
very different.
now there's talks of exploring with other people
doubts of who we want
doubts of who we are

and months ago

i should of said no.

then and there.

"you either have all of me, or none. your choice. no in between."

is what i should of said if i had conviction in my words.
If i actually ******* knew how i felt but i was so blinded by love i thought hey maybe if i just roll with it ill still have her at the end.

fast forward and there i stood next to a boulder
in the cold
waiting
and i waited
hours
because you wanted you fun with a pretty boy who could talk the talk
i thought i didnt mind. i thought i could deal with it. but i couldn't.
and that rage i showed then when you kissed him dancing is a rage that stays with me to now
where a new boy holds your hips and calls you baby
all because months ago i ****** up
and didnt speak up.
didnt understand how i felt so i didnt say a word.
its not your fault.
its not really mine either.
it just ******* *****.
and i think why do i still care?
why?
after everything.

in the end
i want to burn it
the memories from my mind
the poems left behind
the trees built in my room
fire and smoke and mirrors consume
i am
so
angry.
but i have no way to show it.
im not violent im not loud when im sad im not an angry person at heart
but im angry right now
and i will be for a very long time.
i wish i could yell at you or him or both of you and for it to mean nothing. to get it all out then pretend like it never happened
maybe a far off day in the future when we're all drunk together and no one will remember
maybe then ill be content

maybe im just overthinking

maybe this is just jealousy
plain and simple
and if it is?
then time will heal itself
but time cant run back
and so i learn

let me be clear
contrary to my cries
i am happy
im happy you have him and that you're happier now
im happy that i have her, even if maybe im not ready for all of her yet, but thats okay we're taking it slow
im happy that i feel freer even if the house i live in feels more like a prison sometimes
im happy that we can still chat
im happy that i can still feel after all cause for a period of time there i really doubted i could

but i guess i can be happy and sad at the same time
im schrodingers emotions
a paradox
or simply misunderstood

i was not all of me when i was with you
and i wont be all of me for a long time
not until i move
not until i realise what i truly want
he's older, you can do more, be more,
and right now you need that more than some stuck up dude in his underwear writing a sorry love letter at 2am. im not exciting. i never have been.

to finish
i wish you luck from here
i wish you good health in mind and body, i know you more than anyone needs it
i wish luck to him, for if he treats you any less than a true ****** monarch so god help his ******* soul.
just cause im not yours doesnt mean i dont care.
doesnt mean i wont put you before him and make sure he knows he better not **** around like he has before.

to finish
pitter patter rain comes falling
out my window
my cat purrs beside me
i take another sip of bitter coffee
candle light around me i write now to you in the hope i make a percentage more sense to you now than before
e adesso dico,
non dimenticarmi. perche non posso dimenticarti mai.
sleep well
i might take a while

I feel stuck, a jack in a box
Pull my crank, I will appear
Not me, but rather one that is faux
A facade shown, to appease my peer

But if stuck, akin to schrodingers cat
Because true feelings i hide with a mask
Unknown if I’m doing well with pent up feelings
Feelings that got my sanity reeling

Cursed this arrow that impaled my soul
Mundane enough that I fell in a manhole
For I yearn to be romantic yet timid
So back in the box, stuck I’m winded