You are only lovely when I allow it:
When I let you out to trace the times
Your perfect puzzle-piece body
Sat home with mine;
Quiet hands on your chest
And on your stomach,
Breathing closer;
Holding tighter to muffle
The 'nails in skin'
Sort of **** that was
Held at a distance

You are only lovely when I allow it:
When I let you out to suffer the nights
You were left alone with my mood

You are only lovely when I allow it:
When I let you out to worry
As you hold together -
I sink into my crawl space
Pushing the rubble to the top

You are only lovely when I allow it:
When I let you out to relive and to relove
The way I should have

reset my brain
refresh my mind
show me new pain
turn back these times

relive this torture
set back the clocks
let me relove her
then fall back to dark

reset my brain
refresh my mind
break free these chains
that hold down my kind


comb my hair
and wash my face
let's all prepare
for the end of this race

He was bright to try the vain to relove
The hurt was immense but keep the smile straight
What is it to love when you love is to be lost
Grinding the teeth like a motor engine
The fall was so deep and the fractures intense
To love is to suffer
For if it must last you must endure the pain and grow a dumpen heart dumb as the morning due

The doctor whispers—
her own thoughts will harm her.

She inhales the scent
of black bean soup,
decides it must be dangerous.

Before her death,
her chair at the table sat empty
for years.

Now the woman is old,
asking again:

Why can’t I eat today?

Too beautiful to touch the bowl,
she waits for their eyes—
to see how she grew stronger
by refusing hunger and
learning to relove herself