¡curandero!
¡sobandero!
¡hermano!
¡brujo!

i feel my stomach churn
when i mention home!
i cannot sleep at night!
¡curandero!
please fix me!

¡ay dios mío!
¡niña tu tienes mal aire!
you are a sick child!
too young to carry
so many ghosts!
you must follow my instructions clearly.

¡sobate con un huevo!
rub a cold raw egg all over your body!
make sure you rub the cold surface on your forehead!
it cleanses your mind!
then rub it down your back
to fix that spine!
it will straighten you up!

¡compra una vela blanca!
make sure to light your white candle
at six in the morning and six in the evening.
these are the times when
the sun caresses it’s lips to the horizon.
a beginning and end so mystical
that even ghosts pause to witness the view.
these are the moments where you must
ignite them away.

you must also pray
my child.
pray to whatever divine force
you believe in.

but curandero the only divine force i know
is myself.
how can i heal if i alone am the destroyer?

mija,
there exists no such thing.
you alone are you.
to heal you must destroy.
to destroy you must heal.
escúchame,
you are divine.
the ghosts you keep are not friends.
scare them away.
show them your power.

come see me again,
but when you return,
you will be new.
with the ways of el curandero
you will thrive in
your own cosmos.

Every cell in my body
trembles with anticipation
as the curandero croons
ayy ooo wah hee….
….time to come and see me…
as my stomach settles from the purge
of the exlixir of the vine of the soul
I have dared myself to drink
as my limbs begin to vibrate
as I am seized by the hair
lifted right up off the ground
in the arms of great angels
who look like alien jaguar dancers
with huge luminescent eyes
and funny hats
who live in the emerald jungle
where the concoction I took
grows entwined
with my desperate hope
that this isn’t a scam
that there really is another world
or maybe galaxies too
but then I realize
I’m so far away from home
I know I’ll never get back
because I see him up ahead
it’s God with his hair gloriously ablaze
sitting on a grand throne
at the end of a great stone road
like the Roman’s Appian Way
suspended in pulsing interstellar space
and there is a line of people
stretching for light years
all hoping for a sustainable miracle
all holding tickets to see him
and each one walks up to him
heads bowed
and he caresses their hair
and he says I love you
but really, I just work here.

I walked aimlessly
Vulnerable and afraid
In the middle of the night
Luna llena!, a vieja shouted
Es la noche del amor!

There you were, man of stone
Darkest lips, thickest hips, deepest soul

Honey, herbs and songs
Honey, herbs and songs
A ritual of love
Under the full moon
Bajo la luna del amor

Brujo, curandero, heal within
Conjure every star inside your soul
Call on every guide, sing every song
It is ok to live with a broken heart
Brujo, the journey is long
But filled with love

there is a woman who knows more about loss
than she does of forgiveness.

she bathes every evening in warm water and salt
because she once saw el curandero prepare a bath
for the man who screamed every night
after he met the black-haired devil.
the mixture is suppose to heal.

she brushes her long thick black hair
with a wide-toothed comb.
it reminds her of the way he pulled her hair
when she would try to leave him.
it always made her come back
for more.

she rubs baby oil on her skin while droplets of water
are still running down her body.
they swerve around her chest,
clash near her bellybutton,
and sneak in between her thighs.

but even with all the salt baths and baby oil
the skin on her knees is still ashy
and dark.

she wonders if it is from kneeling too much as a child.
when she would kneel with her sister at church
rezando for the return of their fathers.
each a man who left their mother in pedazos.
they were actually praying for their mother.

or if it was from the holy act of making love.
when she would get down on her knees for him.
praying to receive more.
having his hands pull her hair,
push her closer to him,
to take him all in.

she finds herself praying for the return of her loss rather than for forgiveness every night before sleep.