but he wanted more, so he bought tickets for him to go to the sydney-fremantle grand final, so he can

cheer them on his their way, you see tommy felt liked at the footy club, despite him never strapping on a boot

so he felt he could say anything to anyone and not have to deal with the consequences, so he started to

argue with this collingwood supporter, who really gave tommy heaps, and tommy said, you are a worthless

nobody, and your team is ****, so ******* away from me, for you see i am the local bbq man, i do it every year

and i want you to treat me good, because it’s good that i do that, yeah, but the lady said, who gives a hoot

on who or what you are, you are causing me ****, ya know and i am going to bash you up, and i will, don’t you worry, hey

you see after that she left to watch the footy in the bar, to get away from tommy cause he talks ****, and this really hyped tommy up

and made him cheer loud for sydney sydney sydney oi oi oi , sydney sydney sydney oi oi oi , and this made the people behind tommy

mad and started to get rowdy, and one guy wanted to lay into tommy saying, you can’t help people, you are a lying *******

who is looking up at your dead cat, who is making you alright, and then from out of the blue, tommy’s friend from the bbq came over

to him and sat in the seat and said, tommy you deserve credit, ya know, much better seats than these, how about next year we give you

better seats, and tommy said, are you sure i deserve it, i only do the bbq, mate, and they said, **** yeah, oh **** yeah, you work very hard

every day you come, and we feel like making youn a life time member of the swans, because that is your favourite team, isn’t it

tommy was ever so happy, and jumped for ****** joy, and said, i love sydney, and i hope they win, boy would i think that is cool

you see tommy went to the toilet and came back to his seat and got a big surprise, you see suddenly all his mates from the club he did

the bbq for were there to cheer him on, one man gave him a swans clock, another gave him a few champagne flutes filled with champagne

and another gave him a million dollars, so he can travel around the world, tommy thanked them for his presents, and then went over to

the toilet block, and there was ernie pallet who had a better surprise for him, you see tommy was amazed and tommy was happy too

tommy felt like giving tommy a very big hug, you see tommy was given a very big hug, by adam goods, because of what tommy was talking about

aboriginal rights, man that sounds so right, and adam gave him $4,000,000 to put into his account for when he grew older, this will make him happier

oh yeah, mate ****** yeah, so at the end of the game sydney won and all tommy’s friends amazingly disappeared along with all the gifts, which made

tommy look up and look down, and everywhere around but no gifts in sight, and another thing, it wasn’t the grand final, either it was round ****** 12

and he was at the game between sydney and collingwood missing an all important bbq, and instead of saying he is good, they lefty awful curse words

on his mobile phone, saying he let them down, what a ****** of an imagination i have

you see tommy kiddlestone was a very good bbq man, and was told he was a good worker all the time

but he wanted more, so he bought tickets for him to go to the sydney-fremantle grand final, so he can

cheer them on his their way, you see tommy felt liked at the footy club, despite him never strapping on a boot

so he felt he could say anything to anyone and not have to deal with the consequences, so he started to

argue with this collingwood supporter, who really gave tommy heaps, and tommy said, you are a worthless

nobody, and your team is ****, so ******* away from me, for you see i am the local bbq man, i do it every year

and i want you to treat me good, because it’s good that i do that, yeah, but the lady said, who gives a hoot

on who or what you are, you are causing me ****, ya know and i am going to bash you up, and i will, don’t you worry, hey

you see after that she left to watch the footy in the bar, to get away from tommy cause he talks ****, and this really hyped tommy up

and made him cheer loud for sydney sydney sydney oi oi oi , sydney sydney sydney oi oi oi , and this made the people behind tommy

mad and started to get rowdy, and one guy wanted to lay into tommy saying, you can’t help people, you are a lying *******

who is looking up at your dead cat, who is making you alright, and then from out of the blue, tommy’s friend from the bbq came over

to him and sat in the seat and said, tommy you deserve credit, ya know, much better seats than these, how about next year we give you

better seats, and tommy said, are you sure i deserve it, i only do the bbq, mate, and they said, **** yeah, oh **** yeah, you work very hard

every day you come, and we feel like making youn a life time member of the swans, because that is your favourite team, isn’t it

tommy was ever so happy, and jumped for ****** joy, and said, i love sydney, and i hope they win, boy would i think that is cool

you see tommy went to the toilet and came back to his seat and got a big surprise, you see suddenly all his mates from the club he did

the bbq for were there to cheer him on, one man gave him a swans clock, another gave him a few champagne flutes filled with champagne

and another gave him a million dollars, so he can travel around the world, tommy thanked them for his presents, and then went over to

the toilet block, and there was ernie pallet who had a better surprise for him, you see tommy was amazed and tommy was happy too

tommy felt like giving tommy a very big hug, you see tommy was given a very big hug, by adam goods, because of what tommy was talking about

aboriginal rights, man that sounds so right, and adam gave him $4,000,000 to put into his account for when he grew older, this will make him happier

oh yeah, mate ****** yeah, so at the end of the game sydney won and all tommy’s friends amazingly disappeared along with all the gifts, which made

tommy look up and look down, and everywhere around but no gifts in sight, and another thing, it wasn’t the grand final, either it was round ****** 12

and he was at the game between sydney and collingwood missing an all important bbq, and instead of saying he is good, they lefty awful curse words

on his mobile phone, saying he let them down, what a ****** of an imagination i have

hi dudes

i am in a good mood, i am doing the bbq tomorrow

and i tipped

kangaroos over essendon kangaroos won

adelaide over st kilda adelaide won

hawthorn over melbourne hawthorn won

GWS over carlton, GWS won

sydney over geelong, sydney won

west coast over gold coast, west coast won

and if fremantle beat western bulldogs

and collingwood beat richmond

and port adelaide beat brisbane

i have tipped all the winners of this round

i am doing the bbq tomorrow in kippax

hoping i grab the second full winner

A bright lad called Alistair Cook
Did enjoy the occasional book,
     He went out to bat,
     NO - don't play at that,
They did him; line, sinker and hook.

On him I'd bet my whole house,
More like a lion than a mouse,
     He bats with aplomb,
     Both dainty and strong,
It can only be Andrew Strauss.

From the pavilion did Jonathan Trott,
Nervous and anxious he is not,
     He'll be there for a while,
     All England will smile,
And South Africa know he is hot.

Next in is the feisty KP,
His batting, the top of the tree,
     Sixes so great,
     They should be worth eight,
Now just stay IN for a hundred or three!

A chap from ooop north who is good,
Goes by the name of Paul Collingwood,
     Gritty and tough,
     We just can't get enough,
Fight as hard as him, we all should.

No more will the fear he smell,
He's been down to the gym as well,
     His batting is slick,
     Number six does the trick,
The crowd cheers for Ian Bell.

Swinging his bat, it's Matt Prior,
Born with iron grit, steel and fire,
     If he holds each catch,
     We'll win the match,
And his ranking will go much higher.

Our spinner is next, Mr Swann,
His bowling is coming on strong,
     His batting is great,
     Which the opposition hate,
Not to pick him much sooner was wrong.

Our tall quickie is young Stuart Broad,
His bat is a rapier like sword,
     He can oft' bowl too short,
     Yet the batters get caught,
And Of wicket-taking we never are bored.

James Anderson is our king of swing,
Late movement his favourite thing,
     Please bowl nice and full,
     Offer nothing to pull,
And just hear those stumps go 'ping'.

Graeme Onions comes in at long last,
Cannot bat but, he can bowl fast,
     He makes them play,
     While others may stray,
Durham long-hops a thing of the past.

party zone with the two johnny’s


johnny brown’   hi dudes and welcome to party zone on this sad day

in the history of comedy, yeah ronnie corbett died today

and now i bring out the second johnny who is johnny kensape

who was a fab of ronnie corbett and the magpies beat the tigers

by 1 point and we have tom with his jingle about that

tom’  good old collingwood forever dude

playing footy is what we do

side by side we stick together dude

we go after the tiger with a mighty swoop

can’t you hear the crowd singing dude

singing a loud song oh yeseree

the crowd lift up their voices and cheer for

the good old collingwood

johnny matheson’  thanks tom and here is a special jingle for ronnie corbett

sorry, the two ronnies ain’t so hot

the frost report brought up my dinner

the memories i get from that great man

ummmmmmm ummmmmmm ummmmmm the great man is dead

death is an end to suffering by us, only kidding by him

you see he had a cool style of comedy

everyone liked him oh yeseree

ummmmmmmm ummmmmmmmm ummmmmm  RIP ronnie corbett

and now it’s time for the news, the sad passing of a great british comedian

ummmmmmm ronnie corbett rest in peace

johnny brown’  ok dudes, here is ron kennetth and he has a jingle about ronnie corbett

ron’    i love you i love you i love you

your a great man/comedian

you were an excellent entertainer

and told us a lot of jokes

why did ronnie cross the road

because he wanted to live a long and fruitful life

i hope you meet up with ronnie barker because the two ronnies was my favourite show

i love you i love you i love you

you said good night from me and good night from him

you dressed up as so many medieval characters and told jokes about that

i love you i love you i love you

RIP GREAT ENTERTAINER ronnie corbett

johnny matheson’   what show did ronnie corbett regret doing

none of them ‘sorry’ ‘bout that

ummmmmm you performed in a lot of great musicals

even graham norton got to speak to you in person

and i guarantee he enjoyed the experience

it was only recent too, you are a great man ronnie

and death hasn’t stopped you

you will go up to big comedy festival up in the sky

and party on till your next life mate

johnny brown’ and now here is a song by red tape about the late great ronnie corbett


red tape’  

i heard you tell some jokes dude, man you are so cool

and you played medieval characters and dressed up in funny clothes

you were in the good show sorry, and the great show now look here

you see you made us laugh and thanks to youtube you will never die

i went to the stand up comedy shows

and laughed at you like i was losing my teeth

you see it’s nearly anzac day, and you won’t be able to lay a wreath

i find you were like charlie chaplin, the 70s and 80s version anyway

you starred in cinderella back in the year 200 yeah

you did a sketch book show about the two ronnies

he had his own supper club

and mate he had a party in buckingham palace yeah mate yeah

ronnie i wish i was you, ronnie i wish good things for your next life

corbett is on the honour role ****** oath he deserves it

and we sau, no, that’s me over here saying it is sad when the great entertainer dies

ya old dog

johnny matheson’   and now time for the news

a man died yesterday, yeah a man died, it was ronnie corbett

johnny brown’  a religious freak was thrown into the lake

and when he found out that the lake was prohibited to swim in

the man said, he is a jesus freak, he should walk on water

johnny matheson’  google cardboard plastic is the world’s first 'actual reality’ headset,

this video shows how it works

what’s realer than real?  nothing, that’s why google is launching the first ever headset

johnny brown;  pimple popping videos are gross - so what it is that makes us watch them?

johnny matheson’  news flash, john f kennedy has risen from the dead

only to fall over and die again

johnny brown’  that is enough news, so it’s good night from me

johnny matheson’  and it’s good night from him

the two johnny’s together’  and goodbye RIP to our great pal ronnie corbett

i hope you reunite with ronnie barker

good bye from party zone catch ya later dudes

The day was for England to look solid
  South Africa were happy to play slow
It turned out that England wanted squalid
  Opposition gave us nowhere to go

Andrew Strauss was done in by a shooter
  Jonny Trotted past a full one today
Collingwood survived ***** past his ******
  Ian Bell gave us most cause for dismay

Now Kevin played nicely for a while
  But Colly got out to leave us in fear
Prior left us too soon for a smile
  So for Broad and Swann the plan was clear

Jimmy hit them for the SIX of the game
But for glory Graeme Swann was the name

Performing on Saturn

Hi dudes and dudettes
Welcome to Saturn club rings and today we are playing poems and songs that will make you feel really cool
The first song is the west coast eagles victory song
We are the eagles
The west coast eagles
We are the ones who won that game
You see we have the power
To win the big game
Go the eagles who are one win away
You see with the eagles
The west coast eagles
Yes we are powerful
End tonight we will be in the club
To sink down a few cleansing ales

Yes that was a cool song and now here is our second song which is called hey dude what are you on about
You see when I was a partying
In the cold of this city
I see people trying to get me in
To their little gang oh yeah
I told them I didn’t wanna be in their gang but they said you are joining us oh yeah
I tried to wriggle out of it
It isn’t what I am into, no
Because I am into partying in a different way
Then these thugs came up to me
And said these little words
Hey dude, what are you on about
Then I went to the football club
To watch the very important match yes that makes me feel so divine
And my dad said yes your majesty when I told him what to do is was as if I didn’t know what to do
You see back then when I was a hooligan a ***** rotten hooligan
I found it hard to think what the **** was going on
Then these dudes said to me
Hey dude what is going on
Partying in the club is cool
And they really break no flaming rule you see god isn’t up there anymore because the bible was absolute ******* when they tell you everything that is in it
Hey dude what is going on

Thank you and that was a great song and our next song is yes your majesty
You see when I was young I told my family to say what I wanted them to say
Like you say heavy metal is cool
You say Martin Luther king had a dream
You say who is going to win the footy
You say you say you say
Dad goes yes your majesty in a very posh way
Yes your majesty after I say you say
Yes it is cool in many ways
Dad goes yes your majesty
Every fucken day
After I say you say
I told him, no I am not the queen
And I am no king either
I just want you to say
That I am the best
Just say west coast are the best well, dad just said yes your majesty yes you flaming majesty after I say you say
Yes your majesty every single day

That was a good song and now it is time to party with me
We drink taquila and bourbon yeah
We drink beer and wine for you
We get high on mariguana as well as *******
Yes it is time to party oh yeah we say
You say party time is here
Yes your majesty
You say get down and boogie
Yes your majesty
You see you can see me in my party clothes
Yes and my nanna is having a doze
Drinking beer to past time
I say fun you say cool
Yes your majesty I say what I want
I am a tool and a ****
Who loved life every day
Party party party mate
Party with a how’s it going mate
Get down with a bit of methane
Yeah mate yeah time to play

What a song and now here is winning the final

It is mighty hard to win a final
Especially when both teams want to be there
And the crowd yell out forever
Yeah mate yeah
When I get up this morning.
I will watch the Canberra afl grand final
Who the ******* will win
Well it will be close and it will be fun
How many people will turn up
It will be hard for both teams
Cause winning this grand final
Is what each team wants to do
Gets out there to score a goal
Goal goal a pretty good goal
And west coast are one win away of a grand final after coming back on Collingwood
With the McGuire family cheering on the pies but when west coast won yippee I ay
It was a shame that the swans are no more this year but Sydney still has a representative
There let’s hope they win
Go the demons beat the hawks
Don’t move don’t you dare squawk it will be hard oh hard to win that match so just get your ticket yes mate, clear the pickets welcome to Australia Britain or France going to this party in just my underpants
And you feel pretty cool as your favourite team wins the all important final oh yeah

Goodbye, time to go must get up to watch the Canberra afl
Go ainslie

Women’s afl

Round 1

Geelong. 3. 6. 24
Collingwood. 3. 5. 23


Bulldogs. 2. 6. 18
Adelaide. 1. 11. 17


Kangaroos. 7. 10. 52
Carlton 2. 4. 16



Fremantle 9. 5. 59
Melbourne 8. 7. 55


Brisbane. 4. 5. 29
GWS. 4. 3. 27

Some very close games
Shows that women’s afl can be very exciting not as high scoring as the men but the women played very well
Well done to Geelong bulldogs kangaroos Fremantle and Brisbane
The champions are upon us today
Each game was exciting to play
Each team played well but only one winner is allowed
Unless it is a draw

Brisbane bowling trip day 7

Today I got up at 7-00 to have breakfast
And I went up to my room to brush my teeth
And then I hopped in the bus
And went to the bowling centre
I didn’t have a chocolate to start the day
But, I bowled ever so badly
I tried ever so hard
But, I kept missing the strikes and spares
I wanted to play better, it is what I wanted
But, I was pathetic at playing today
I know people wanted me stop bowling scores in the 90s
But, my performance wasn’t too good
I tried hard to get strikes
But, tried too hard I guess
I got 93 again and 99 and 116
I teammates bowled much better
In many sort of ways
After a ** day of bowling
I went over to have lunch
Which was Mexican cheese nachos and a drink
I finished my lunch and went over to cheer my other
Teammates on, and I found a table, I sat down
And placed the iPad on the table, to listen to it’s the donnellys
And the French family concert
So I have their lovely music in my ears
As I watched their performances it was fun doing that
And after the concert, the bowlers were finished not much later
And we tried to go to the mall to do shopping
But the car park was too low down for our buses to down
So we went to the lions club to watch the footy
Canterbury v st George and Melbourne v Collingwood
Canterbury and Collingwood won
Two upsets 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
Then we had dinner, I had garlic prawns on rice
And a apple pie with cream and ice cream
We thanked the club staff for helping us
And they were very grateful to us 😎😎😎😎😎😃😃😃😄😄😅😅😅😅😅
We went back to hotel
And there was a choice, go to your room to watch tv
Or play charades in the lobby
I watched RBT home and away and neighbours
And we will sleep in tomorrow hoping I don’t say too many buts
Tomorrow, and now we are getting ready for bed
Overal, I know those scores aren, t good, but at least it is a great holiday. So far 😎😄😄😄😄😄😸😸😸😸😸😁😁😁😁😁🙃

Hi dudes

This is Johnny here and I am about to
Start the first Wednesday night live
How about the AFL with Carlton who at the
Start of the year Carlton were testing the AFL ladder being on top with Sydney and seeing swans are still on top Carlton went to 8th spot and they must win to make it in the finals, they had injuries but still they could’ve tried a bit harder because now it looks like a port-Sydney grand final or an all Sydney grand final or could be port - giants or port - Geelong but I will be going for Geelong to drop out and let Brisbane in
Because the cats aren’t really that impressive but what about footscray they won in 2016 from outside the 4, is it possible for them to do that again but I am hoping Sydney can reverse that result, Collingwood need a 200 game to make finals and need Carlton and hawthorn to lose
Their games even though I personally think Carlton and hawthorn  will just make up the numbers, but it does look like 2016, I really hope not now my tips Melbourne over Collingwood
Cats over eagles only because of eagles position
Suns v tigers I would like to see sims win in a nothing match north v hawks, I say hawks To make up the numbers lions to beat the bombers at the Gabba and I say Sydney can beat Adelaide position and real, I say it will be close between giants and footscray, Osage giants in a close one Carlton and st kilda both teams are coming off a win and saints won against Geelong
But I will say Carlton in a close one and port to beat dockers because dockets have more to lose but the loss of that player who attacked the crows player I say port still in a close one and now the NRL with wests and sea eagles I say eagles and warriors and bulldogs well bulldogs will be to hungry so I say the dogs and a close one but hopefully parramatta to beat Brisbane
Panthers to beat raiders but raiders will be hungry but I can’t go past panthers and I want dolphins to beat storm but not going to happen so I go for storm souths and knights both sides are a problem, I say bunnies at home I hope titans to beat roosters but again never going to happen and I will go for sharks to beat dragons but it could be close, and now the voice, I liked a few singers tonight and wasn’t it amazing Matt Rogers brother auditioned but didn’t get in, all judges are determined to get the artist they want
And now here is a song to celebrate the swans being there, it will be hard for them to win but they will try, here is show en Sydney
We read about tigers the bulldogs and the blues we read about the bombers saints and kangaroos
But in this competition the top spot has the best
Melbourne you have seen nothing now Sydney has the best
Show en Sydney show em your the swans
Show em your the winners kicking *** today
Ok goodbye from  Wednesday night live
Bye

It started with Richmond beating Carlton and some **** was punching people in the crowd and the tiger land song was playing very loud in the end
Collingwood put it right up to Geelong
But the cats won in the end
Melbourne for the first time were a premiership threat but the power brought that down toward the ground
By beating the demons and the crows weren’t good enough to beat the hawks at their home ground and the dogs beat the swans despite swans getting within 4 with 4 to go but the dogs were too strong and after the west coast eagles winning last years premiership the Brisbane lions were too good for them at the Gabba and despite Gold Coast keeping it close
The saints were just too good in the end and GWS got a record score in beating the bombers, we saw the bombers get bombed by the giants foot and finally the Roos weren’t good at all or was it that Fremantle were too good and that was how the afl started and I hope your team won
Well some people aren’t happy with their team but that is footy for ya

Hi dudes and welcome to the Saturn community concert and our first guest is Kathryn Roswell who was my grandfather in her previous life and she is singing with Martin the Martian
With a top hat here they are
Their first song is agadoo
Which goes like this
Agadoo doo doo push pineapple shake the tree agadoo doo doo push pineapple grind coffee which was Kathryn’s fave song where she knows the words and the actions to and then she sang elvis Presley’s song love me tender which was a song she loved to sing to me ya know her last life’s grandson and then after that Martin the Martian who was John Mahoney from the tv series Frasier singing
I am a Martian with a top hat and I have no tie and I am ready to party all night when your young you will party
To forget about reality and have a little fun oh yeah party right
Yes everyone is ready to party with
Me and Kathryn yo here on Saturn
And I get my top hat and as I am wearing no tie
Just the perfect shade of green
I am a Martian with a top hat
With a naked green body
I am ready to party yeah
C’mon get out your top hat
And put on your dancing shoes
And party party party all night
And then Kathryn and Martin the Martian played a lot of seventies and eighties songs and everyone got down and danced, the songs were
Dancing queen abba
Sweet home Alabama
American pie don McLean
Standing on the outside cold chisel
Duncan slim dusty using all the names of the people here
And then they left the stage
And bon Scott came on stage with Michael Hutchence and Roy Orbison
Michael on drums Roy vocals and bon
On bass guitar they sang
Pretty woman
You shook me all night long
Suicide blonde
You got it
Who made who
Need you tonight
Handle with care
Thunderstruck
Devil inside
And then they bowed to the audience thanking them for dancing and left the stage
Then the crazy hip hop dancers from Jupiter who were Daniel morecombe
And Graeme Thorne who is me now on earth and Caleb Logan and they danced to great songs like
A hip hop version to YMCA village people and Stan from Eminem and another hip hop version of karma chameleon from culture club standing on the inside looking out which is a song I wrote and performed at the poetry slam and the last one was come on aussies come on the old cricket song and now we have some cosmic belly dancers coming out
Their names are Kim Davidson and Bridget bromhead and Ruth cracknell and they shook their bellies to chicken dance
And nut bush city limits and a Christmas song jingle bells and good ship Lollypop and rock and roll music
And after that the swinging yobbos came out slim dusty Alfred Waldron who was another previous life of mine and my currents life’s late father Barry Allan who is now Betty Campbell
And they sang songs like waltzing Matilda and fly burgers which was my first poem I wrote and a tisket a tasket which we showed our inner ***** and then we played all the afl theme songs starting with Sydney Adelaide Carlton Brisbane Melbourne
West coast Fremantle port Adelaide
The gws giants Gold Coast suns north Melbourne hawthorn st Kilda Essendon Richmond and Collingwood
And finished with the green machine
Canberra Raiders song and we left the stage then I came out to sing this song before the fireworks
It is called the schizophrenic Macarena
1 2 3 4 do the schizophrenic
From the first day you were born
To your current situation
With medication you can be reformed
Yeah mate yeah I am schitzophrenic
Don’t worry about my best mate
His name was rob butler
I wish I could explain it because I know
There was no best friend named rob butler
You see if I was married to Susan brown mate and if I had a family
With two sons David and mike
I know they don’t exist
But in a way I wished they did
And I am schitzophrenic
1 2 3 4 I am schitzophrenic
From the first day I was born
To my current situation
With medication I can be reformed
Wow yeah I am schitzophrenic
I like Christmas
But I am a Buddhist
I like the peace behind it
Despite being anything but at peace
With my crazy mental illness
Then I jumped in the back seat
Of my best mates cab
But the thing about it is
No mate of mine has ever drove a cab
Except Stan niemic but it is not him
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
From the first day I was born
To my current situation
I wish my childish dillusions will go away cause I hate being schitzophrenic oh yeah bow bow
And now here are the beautiful fireworks and that lit up the sky for 21 minutes, it was beautiful
Bye everyone and I will see you at the next cosmic community concert
Goodbye dudes