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Topeka, Ks.
I am a retired Baptist Pastor of 40 years of five different churches. Married to the same sweetheart (Peggy) for 56 years this coming October. …
Words are the substance of what we are. They can inflict pain, make people feel lost, and hold people together. I’ve never been one to …
Poems
ellie Apr 2015
Musings 05
ellie
Apr 2015
I'm scared of just about everything.
I'm scared of spiders, they have too many limbs and too many eyes and it makes my skin crawl.
Though I stopped admitting it years ago, I am scared of the dark. When the lights turn off and the sun goes down the idea of being alone with no idea of what is around me gives me goosebumps.
I'm scared of being hurt, even though I am always the one who ends up breaking hearts.
However much I ignore it, I am scared of silence. That complete soundless ringing that fills my head and whisks up my thoughts makes me uncomfortable in ways I cannot describe with words.
I'm scared of getting lost, because even though I want to be spontaneous like the cool girls in the movies the idea of not knowing where I am terrifies me.
Despite everything life has thrown at me, I am scared of being myself. I have a million alter egos and personalities stored in my head because the reality of who I am makes me sick.
I'm scared of outer space, and how one little push can send you floating into the unknown without ever stopping.
Unsurprisingly, I am scared of my mother dying. Through thick and thin she supports me and to this day her warth gives me life in ways nothing else does.
I'm scared of the ocean, because even though I love fish I cannot stand not being aware of what is beneath me as I paddle on the surface.
In a sick and ironic way, I am scared of dying. Despite my wishes for death and suicide attempts, when I am in a dangerous situation my stomach clenches and I cling to the life I have.
I'm scared of just about everything,
including fear itself.
I'm scared of spiders, they have too many limbs and too many eyes and it makes my skin crawl.
Though I stopped admitting it years ago, I am scared of the dark. When the lights turn off and the sun goes down the idea of being alone with no idea of what is around me gives me goosebumps.
I'm scared of being hurt, even though I am always the one who ends up breaking hearts.
However much I ignore it, I am scared of silence. That complete soundless ringing that fills my head and whisks up my thoughts makes me uncomfortable in ways I cannot describe with words.
I'm scared of getting lost, because even though I want to be spontaneous like the cool girls in the movies the idea of not knowing where I am terrifies me.
Despite everything life has thrown at me, I am scared of being myself. I have a million alter egos and personalities stored in my head because the reality of who I am makes me sick.
I'm scared of outer space, and how one little push can send you floating into the unknown without ever stopping.
Unsurprisingly, I am scared of my mother dying. Through thick and thin she supports me and to this day her warth gives me life in ways nothing else does.
I'm scared of the ocean, because even though I love fish I cannot stand not being aware of what is beneath me as I paddle on the surface.
In a sick and ironic way, I am scared of dying. Despite my wishes for death and suicide attempts, when I am in a dangerous situation my stomach clenches and I cling to the life I have.
I'm scared of just about everything,
including fear itself.
I don't know really
Liliana Oct 2011
<too dark to be titled>
Liliana
Oct 2011
Stepping out of the sun and into the shadowy cool water of the river
I feel a soft, gentle pull not only at my feet, but at my back towards the sun
Glancing back briefly at the sun before the river tugs at me, urging me onward
Each step I take, it becomes more cold and dark the further and further I am away from the warth of the sun
The tug of the river becomes too much as I lay down, submitting to its pull
Helpless to its strength as no one is there to pull me up from drowning in the river
I glance back once more hoping that someone will save me
Seeing no one, with my last bit of energy I whisper, "I'm sorry" to an unknown source
I can't breath, I can't fight it...
So I bleed out to numb the pain as the river finally drags me under...claiming my life.
Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
I feel a soft, gentle pull not only at my feet, but at my back towards the sun
Glancing back briefly at the sun before the river tugs at me, urging me onward
Each step I take, it becomes more cold and dark the further and further I am away from the warth of the sun
The tug of the river becomes too much as I lay down, submitting to its pull
Helpless to its strength as no one is there to pull me up from drowning in the river
I glance back once more hoping that someone will save me
Seeing no one, with my last bit of energy I whisper, "I'm sorry" to an unknown source
I can't breath, I can't fight it...
So I bleed out to numb the pain as the river finally drags me under...claiming my life.
Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011