Oh Esperanza
how I'd like to be you
Walk the path ahead of me
Fiery
Fierce
Fearless of what's to come.
But oh Esperanza
I am not you
I find myself fearful
of a path,
I have yet to take
of a choice,
I have yet to make
of a loss,
I have yet to own.
Oh tell me, Esperanza
where do you find
the courage,
the strength,
the heart to leap forward
spread your wide wings
and fly into the unknown
While I drown slowly
My chains of fears
dragging me down
into darkness I created
You, my only Esperanza
fade away from my sight
little
by
little.
Oh my Esperanza
What do I do?

Three years ago
I was given
my first cactus plant
I named her Esperanza

Today I threw her away
in the kitchen trashcan –
the things we love don’t always get a funeral
when they rot
when we overwater, over love
          accidentally

I keep her red ***
on the windowsill
          empty
the garbage and walk it to the street
thinking of her green thorny throat
turning yellow and soft
when I still thought
exposure to the sun would heal her

Through a window I see
a dim living room, brown couch, teal walls
I imagine it is our couch
we must be doing dishes
after dinner – your hands
on my waist, I always forget
to take my rings off
until I have already started
scrubbing the plates

I take away your hands
leave on the rings
let the plates air dry

Let Esperanza grow
black spots and mold
and worry only about
the next plant
her red *** will hold