i don't know
where to start...
mom said
the words
would just flow
she didn't tell me
that tears would flow
in their stead.
clears throat
i didn't know dad
more than
the bottles
he always kept
bringing home.
mom said he was
always like them
always shattered
always empty
always cold.
she said
if i ever get too much,
i will burn----
i never got
to ask if it was
dad or beer
she was talking about...
snicker
so earlier
i was looking
at dad's stuff
for something to say.
there was this
drawer i've never
even dared to look into
til yesterday.
clears throat
and i found this letter.
you see
at first i thought
this house was too big
for just one child----
now i get it.
hush
'to my future daughter:'
clears throat
'dianthine'
'before i say'
'anything else'
'do you like your name?'
'we named you after diana'
'not the roman goddess,'
'your mother.'
'we didn't even fight'
'to find that name'
'it was perfect.'
'like you were going to be.'
'i'm simply sorry.'
'you had so much'
'waiting for you.'
'you were going to be a lawyer'
'and criminal prosecutor even.'
'sorry.'
'you should know'
'it's my fault.'
'simply my fault.'
'but'
'i'
'did'
'not'
'mean'
'for'
'it'
'to'
'happen.'
'but your mother's gone.'
'your supposed to be mom'
clears throat
'your only mom.'
'i have to let you know'
'that i was the one who quit.'
i figured it out immediately
mom's name was diana but,
mom would quit on dad
before he'd ever quit on her...
let me continue
ruffles paper
'i love diana'
'i need to just outright say it'
'since i know'
'that you would'
'never get to'
'meet her----'
'she is perfect,'
'she was...'
'it's like mercy though, even if you don't;'
'at least you won't get to be raised by some'
'old'
'****'
'like'
'the'
'stupid'
'me.'
'yes...'
yes.
'i'm sorry for sourgraping.'
'sorry for not doing anything better.'
'honestly she'd be the excellent parent'
'all i'd probably do is talk-----'
'or keep you from taking up alcohol'
'or something---- i don't know'
'i'm sorry.'
'i'm sorry.'
clears throat
'i'm sorry'
'i'm sorry'
tightens paper
'i don't know what else to say, dianthine.'
'i never told diana this, but...'
'i was really hoping to meet you'
'but i promise you this.'
'if it is not diana'
'if it's not someone'
'as perfectly fantastic'
'as your supposed to be mother----'
'and if its not you.'
sobs
'if it's not as brilliant'
'or dashing'
sobs
'as we hoped you'd be...'
'then there's no point.'
'i'm sorry.'
'i'm sorry.'
whimpers
sorry
clears throat
dad gave me a ghost
not his...
i've always thought
danthein was too weird
for a guy's name
i guess i was just that ghost
that haunted my dad...
i'm sorry
sobs
folds paper
sorry dad, but i have to say
you may have failed
in everything that makes
a good parent----
you succeeded
in one thing,
it might have
been a simple thing
but you got it right:
you were a father.
a story of a child giving eulogy for his lost father---- fueled by the theme from the movie, Schindler's List as played by 2Cellos