scarmaya nicole

scarmaya nicole Nov 2022

equated

and as if the hell i've been through was worth it, because you came.
your love justified my wretched life.

they suddenly became clear to me.

scarmaya nicole Oct 2022

unhappy

i'm running out of ways how to make myself happy
i don't know what to do anymore
i'm falling unto that dark pit again

:<<

scarmaya nicole Sep 2022

waste

and here we are again
waiting for that agony
that despite of me doing everything i can
i still always end up helpless

every
single
time

and yet we keep going :>

#helpless #waste

scarmaya nicole Sep 2022

haunted

burning in the flames of regret
carrying the burden of non-existing debt
slowly losing hope of being free
for the memories are still haunting me

i'm sorry. i was still a kid back then.

#haunted #regret

scarmaya nicole Sep 2022

the past

i never thought change would be this hard
it made me realize how deep my heart was carved
with the past i still miserably want to reminisce
the past that caused me to be like this

:<<

#change #reminisce #past

scarmaya nicole Sep 2022

memories hurt

memories are treasures
that you're supposed to bring
not a pin that u have to endure,
that keeps u from moving

go on, move forward
and stop being a coward
close the door and just leave
remember, nostalgia deceives

memories remind me of beautiful days and pain me at the same time by keeping me at a place where i can't move forward nor backwards.

#memories #nostalgia #hurts

scarmaya nicole May 2022

A Sad Principle

"If I want to be treated right, I have to be pretty."
- a maddening truth in my life.

I want to say that this is not true, but looking at myself right now? I feel like I'm this dying flower covered by lots and lots of blossoming ones. I want to pretend that idc, I should. But god knows how much I'm starved with validation and affection. I guess... I just want someone to love me, despite of my flaws in and out.

#insecurity