it might've been great, but its not all you have

a boy once told me that loving me
was like loving a brick wall

life doesn't stop, it hits you hard
right when you least expect it
and the people you thought cared about you
just don't
and they will say they are sorry
but they aren't
and its so hard to be happy every second of every day and
its exhausting the amount of times i put others before myself
and how much i care about people
when nobody cares about me

i wanted to be a storm for you
to wake you up in the middle of the night
and make you notice
so i started raining and you left my tears alone
in an old bucket outside
my voice was the sonic wave of thunder
that shook your bedpost night after night
my goodbye hit you like a lightning bolt
the Lichtenberg figures mapped your body
lines leading to every place my hands have touched
the tree branch that scraped your window was speaking to you
whispering all of the times i said i love you
reminding you of all the times you never did
the lightning screamed them at the top of their lungs and
you never noticed but now that I'm gone
you pour the bucket over yourself everyday
now that I'm gone you trail your fingers along the lines
thinking of what you lost
now that I'm gone you stay silent
just to try to hear my voice one last time
now that I'm gone  
you listen for me in every storm

i'm sitting in your room thinking about how
i do believe that you loved me
just not enough to stay
you didn't love me enough to call
or explain
or fix me
or say goodbye
all of the memories are gone
gone with the scribbles of a ballpoint pen
and a suitcase
your room and i are alike
we are both absent of you

it's never enough
i am useless like these words i write
nobody cares
and i act like i don't either
but we all put up a really good front

you do not know that i think you are a church
the stained glass windows are your eyes
and when the sun shines
you are even more beautiful
there are people singing inside of you and
every time i touch your skin
i can hear their praises
that's why i never let go
when i kiss you i can feel you washing my sins away
all of my sins are the thoughts i have
about what i want to do to you
and i know that your hands heal the broken because
i am fixed