at church the preacher asks you
"what have you done this week out of kindness for someone?"  
" have you went out of your way to do something for someone else?"
"who have you shown love like god's to this week?"
but i just want to ask them
"what about me?"

sometimes, i think that we get caught up
in our own thoughts
our own insecurities
that we forget
we forget about those boys who genuinely tell us
we are beautiful without any expectations
we forget the way we felt in that dress
we forget about the friends that stay with us
and all the people who think we are special
i guess im just saying that
we are way more loved than we realize

you've moved on
and so have i but that doesn't
make it hurt any less
we were almost something but then  
you stopped looking me in the eyes when we talked
that was always one of my favorite things about you,
you're very good at eye contact
and making me feel like im the only person in the room with you
the car rides spent singing our favorite songs abruptly ended
you stopped lingering when the night was over
i was always mad because you wouldn't kiss me
even though you told me you wanted to
i remember saying "if you want to just do it"
but you never did
i was okay with it, glad that it wasn't the reason
we were alone
but i think you didn't kiss me because
you never planned on staying

in history today i learned
that in the late 1890's,
America realized the only way to get
Puerto Rico was to be there when
the war was over
i think it's the same as the girl you love
being in love with someone else
the only way to get her is
to be there when it's over
to be there during the war to help her
if you are in love with someone
who is not in love with you,
i think the best thing you can do is to
be there for them
and maybe one day they will realize
that you're the only one
who ever was

i am selfish
i want want want
but i hate that word
want is filled with so much greed
but i want
i yearn
i long for
i crave
i aspire
want and need are two different things
and i try to think about my
needs more than my wants
but i don't need love
i want love
i crave the feeling of
someone's hands on my hip
i want to be loved
i aspire for happiness
and i long for the day that i can truly
say that i love myself

you could tell me you love me
a million times but
i would never believe you
when you love someone,
you know all of them
but i haven't let my walls down
low enough because
i don't want you to see me
the way i see me
how could i let someone step into the room
that is me and look at all of
my photographs and read my books
and sleep in my bed
i can't let anyone see this
tornado inside my head

everybody leaves
my brother left for college,
tears streaming
down my face for weeks before
the time came
and overtime i came to the realization that
it's okay,
i'll see him again soon
but you
the only thing that changed about you
was that you didn't love me
anymore
you left and this whole time i knew it was coming
but i didn't want it to
you didn't say goodbye,
you just left me
i cried and cried and i knew that you knew
how much i was hurting
so i cried even more because i realized that
you didn't care
you never did
no goodbye, no "i'm sorry"
you just left