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The inner most of the heart
    is never articulated--it defies
    words and smears the truth
    before the speaker's eyes

  and love in its mysterious ways
  appears and parts in so many a guise
  definitions whether from Camus, Sartre
or Wittgenstein sadly fail-- each word corrupts and dies
* after Ludwig Wittgenstein
I will not stay
I can't
here the ground
is sinking
like quicksand
only betrayal
and deceit is found

each word is connived
as though each speaker
within himself carries
a ready lethal knife

they said to me:
' just stay a while'
but I knew the storm
was brewing-  guile
wore an insidious smile

escape routes
they had planned
none had I---
where could I hide?

Postscript:

I left
my life I saved
I survived!
Is there any buddy out there?

Am I the only one?

Could this be the end?

Is this site said and done?

Shall I post 1 million words and read them to myself

Shall I write 1 million poems and place them on a shelf

Within the womb
With in the mother
Have I yet to discover
Light beyond the darkness
Forcing me to breathe
Is there anybody out there
Or am I all alone
Life is but a dream
We cannot control
........
TT
If it really rained cats and dogs like the idiom?
Like in pied piper there would be cats and dogs everywhere,
Here a cat, there a cat,
Here a dog, there a dog,
Everywhere dogs and cats.
There would also be a new breed, half cat and half dog,
Girls would be called CAPPY,
Boys would be called PUTEN.
17/1/2020
And she lived happily ever after
is not meant for me,
I am an option to the people I love most,
I feel like a cold damp stone slowly being eroded by my tears.
17/1/2020
I can’t talk to you
Because you think you understand
Blame the depression
But you... you don’t know
You don’t intimately know depression
Like I do.
So you invalidate me
My feelings
You try and simplify the complex
But it is complicated
And in your attempts to solve me
To fix me
You’ve alienated me
You’ve hurt me
You’ve lost me
First friends,
Then lovers,
A dance in the rain under the moonlight made them soul mates.
10/1/2020
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