Everyone was out being jolly and happy
I sat there in living my biggest fear
Being completely alone with no one willing to lend an ear
Feeling like I have lost everything
All I had were my thoughts and my own ears
Telling myself I let down my family and peers
Letting her get away was my biggest mistake I ever made
She was with a guy that didn't deserve to see her tears
Seeing her everyday was a living nightmare
Because I couldn't take away her hidden tears
Everyday I tried my hardest to shovel my feelings into a shallow grave
Just to have them resurface by the water from my own tears

Everyday was a nightmare
I was bleeding internally while being kick down by people
That I thought actually cared
I tried my hardest to hold back my tears
But that night I cried for the first time out of feeling completely alone
Asking myself what could've I done
Why am I the one crying these tears I never deserved
Why am I so alone when all I try to do is bring joy to the world

I was mourning my own death for so long I forgot how to live
I continued walking forward in this nightmarish state
I was doing everything to make myself proud just to see light
In such a dimly lit place in my mind
What a dreary and dreadful nightmare I was living
But something reached out and caught me

One day my dreams were no longer about loneliness or fear
I looked back at all those nightmares and I saw a different version of me
I climbed mountains without realizing it
I killed many demons that were so much bigger than me
I was started feeling light and cherished
Cherished by my peers
Cherished by my family
Cherished by my friends
Cherished by her
Now I am scared to wake up because everything feels like a dream

Many things, thoughts running through my head.
Wondering when this will end.
Tired of thinking and worrying about other thoughts that don't matter.
I'm sitting in a quiet room; screaming and yelling. But no one hears the pain.
But no understands or care to ask.
There I am,
Alone,
Afraid to move.
Afraid to make a sound,
Waiting for another person to judge me.
Full of wondering thoughts about the outside world.
Waiting for my moment that's not ever coming.
Afraid to be hurt again.
Melancholy that the next words are I'm forever alone.
No one understands that I'm hurting, suffering, and ashamed.
People come and go,
But I'm the only one being left behind in the dust,
Stuck in my mind full of sorrow and demons, waiting to strike at any given moment.
Not understanding is better than not knowing.

Darkness,
All I see is darkness.
No light passing inside to me.
I become melancholy; drained,
From what you left behind.
Carefully picking up my pieces,
From the harmful words that come out of your mouth.

I don't have sight just feel.
I don't know what if you left or if your coming back.
I don't know how much love you gave her,
But I have it.
I can send sparks through the body,
Or send butterflies to stomach,
Having the love and passion explode through you.

Then it's gone,
The wonderful affect is left behind,
I don't know why??
I'm aching to have that back.
Begging for it.
Did she make you leave,
Or did you break it off?

Now I'm heading back into darkness,
Letting it consumer her,
I'm beating softer and softer,
Until I'm beating no more.
I'm gone,
She's gone.