I was born premature
I came out tiny, skinny,
A whopping 3 pounds and whatever ounces
My parents told me they didn't expect me to have full use of my lungs
But I did
Premature babies don't grow very quickly in early childhood
But I don't think I ever saw that
I mean I always knew I was small
But I never realized how small
Looking back at all the pictures of me,
I was always the smallest, skinniest, and shortest kid around
The boys would scoop me up and carry me down the halls,
But not in the cute princess way
It was more of tossing around a toy
And I'd sit there kicking the hell out of them screaming to put me down
But it never occurred to me there was a reason I was so small
It was fourth grade and I weighed a whopping 47 pounds, the boys still carried me off, and I still didn't take it
Turns out, puberty wouldn't hit me like it would hit all the other girls
In fact, there wasn't even a need for my mom to have "the talk" with me
In fact, at seventh grade I didn't know what the hell a period was
I didn't even where bras.
In fact the first day of high school I wasn't wearing a bra!
And I cried the first day when I realized that ******* everyone had bras on and I didn't even own one
And to my dismay I realized my mom had actually bought my little sister bras, but I didn't have any
And I was the point of interest at hushed family get togethers
Hearing hushed conversations like
Poor baby, it obviously won't happen any time soon
Im sure she will catch up
And I certainly didn't realize why my little sister was taller than me, bigger than me, and now curvier than me!
That was my job ******.
And my favorite was when my mom introduced us to friends and they would always ask my younger sister how high school was and I would have to interrupt and say "Hi I'm the oldest actually"
I never thought it to do with the timing of my birth
But now I'm discovering that it turns out preemies are at high risk for physical developmental problems, learning disabilities (especially with math), ADHD, depression, psychosis, and anxiety in the teenage years
And much more likely if the birth weight was under 4 pounds! (Me)
But just like when I was four and the boys carried me and took turns lifting me off my feet
I won't let it stop me
I won't let it get to me
Being a preemie is tough.
Especially when you were born as early as I was, and as small as I was
I'll always look younger, I'll never look my own age, and I'll never be very curvy,
But I guess that's just something to add to the list of things that are supposed to hold me back.
I won't let them

Razors pain you
Rivers are damp
Acid stains you
and drugs cause cramps
Guns aren't lawful
Nooses give
Gas smells awful
*You might as well live

I'm so tired of hearing
"You look so hot!" "You look ****." "****, you look gorgeous."

Then they look at you eagerly for a response, and I smile back woodenly but inside it means nothing.
Just words that pass my one ear and fall out the other.
No substance.
Is that how men think they can "get" a girl these days?
You want to know the key to my heart?
Tell me that I make you happy. That I make you laugh. That my smile can't help make you smile. That what I said the other day made you think. That you love my wild side. That you think of me before your eyes close as you're about to fall asleep. That the thought of me makes your stomach feel light.

That's all I want to hear.
And it's all I'll never hear.

We all have called her beautiful.
That woman or girl you suddenly comes to adore.

Attractive, she is.
Appealing and revealing to the eyes.
Exquisite too.
Some even wonder why she even with you?
But beauty's in the eyes of the beholder.
And it's you that she chosen.

As beautiful you are to her.
As beautiful she is to you.
And if I must say, very gorgeous too!