Some years ago I fell off a cliff.
Somewhere between the mazes of memory and thought
I have lost my mind in time.
I have lost pieces of my soul in the moments of my life that provided the bricks that made up a skeptical foundation in my heart.
Layered in an angry mortar the emotional bricks settled into the walls that make up the fortress that surrounds my heart.
The cracks that riddle my skull are a specialized Victorian texture technique- I wonder if you can afford it?
The clocks on my walls are tired and my curtains are tattered.
Over time my fortress has withered.
I watch it morph its shape in the mirror day by day.
I watch the laugh lines settle around my frown.
Day after day,
The mirror inhales my youth.
My bed absorbs my tired weight.
And the dragon's head mounted on my door wards off the company.

We are mad as birds, in love in a dark home.
I wished I could be you.
In the drunken daze of submission with aggression,
in the Nicaraguan touch that has turned blue.
Touched by the cold trained tongue that you have become.

Both of us not right in the head.
Both of us not quite ready for bed.

You sit high on your thrown these days.
I weep for apologies at your feet and
I wish for months for your gilded heart
To take some time and remember me.
I remember in the beginning you were not so mean.

Both of us have made our bed
Both of us will die in it.

No one will help you burn the sorrow from your eyes.
No one helped me polish up this bottle of wine.
The days are trivial,
but I feel fine.

Dad said a man doesn't love a woman who whines.

I never wanted a man to love me anyway.
God forbid if he is trivial,
I have enough in my day.
I guess I just don't care about anything you say.
I will always stay with my old ways.

They ask me to change,
But I will always be the same.
And we all play a greater game.
Crawling to the top for that royal blue cape.

Everyone wants to be the best.
I just want a perfect dress.
Someone else can clean this mess.
Someone else will give me the answers to this test.

Mom said not to cry because it is the end of a pretty girl.

So I keep my tears caged along with bad memories and  awful moments of my time spent in this word.
The sorrow burns into my eyes,
And my days are still trivial.

I love him. I really do.
I would let him hate me if he wanted to.
I’ll let him take her if he could.

We don't say much.
But we know each others words
and we both have  a way with them.
Silence doesn't say much,
Yet its presence is deep felt.

We'll meet at the end of the street
In the dark shadows covered by aging leaves
And studded by light aged stars.
You remind me that we were their dust.
That we will become someone else's dust.

I didn't say much.
But we both know what will come next.
The words don't mean much.
We both have a way with them.

It's this feeling that is drilling
Calling me to come
And i hear it loud.
It rings to me
It sings to me.
It doesn't see
my situation
and the  complication
of these feeling and
where you and me
end up- near a street.

I'm going to need you to approach me like a secret.
With whisper footsteps and mysterious hands that touch like a cloud about to drop its first rain.
Or come at me like train while I have my headphones on walking along the tracks.
Impale me just like that.  
If there were an in between then that's where you would truly find me.
In between the rose petals of my thoughts.
Scented like a candy dream with crazy diamond eyes.
Crimson lips that whisper " you can trust me with your lies ".

It's a nightmare of a journey
Through the Rose Hills.
White roses cover death
Along side the 50mph ride.
We'll speed down the boulevard
Turning right, swerving left.
Drink some beer on Broadway,
Smoke some cigarettes at CVS.
Then I'll fill your heart with rose petals
And regret.
You grin and whisper gently
I'll meet you in Whittier at Sunset.

Lets muddle through Greenleaf
Under a cerulean sky.
I got lost in the time held in your eyes.
I stumble back to only trip into your disguise.
Only to drown in your lips and lies.
Dragging our souls to Hellman's and back,
I'll find you on Hadley letting the sun in,
Wilted in Whittier at sunset.

You make it look so clean
And easy.
It looks so good
That I wish I could.
But you look so high,
I wanna try it twice.
You look so mean,
I wish we could get clean.

I close my eyes
and now your walking by.
And you look so good
I wish I could.
When he looks at me
realization of a color coded sea.
And I feel so high.
Someday I'll make you mine.
We look so neat,
I wish we could be clean

"Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality"
— Mark Twain*

You sue me for the kinds of things that bug you
baby-doll.
Sitting around and drinking the kinds of beer that please you
baby-doll.
The world is on fire and it does not phase you
baby-doll.
This is so wrong, why do you feel so right
baby-doll?

I don't think I love you anymore.
To many beers and tears.
And you're right all the time
And everything is yours.
Do what you want
baby-doll.

What a beautiful man you are
baby-doll.
In your eyes I once saw the world
baby-doll.
But your wrong and I am right.
Use your strong hand to cause my life plight.
Smash the windows baby-doll
If it makes you feel alright.

Everything has been drained from me.
The blood settles in my limps and my heart sinks 10000 leagues under the sea.
Waves of amber colored ponds drown my eyes.


I lay here, in my coffin, faint.
I lay here, in my hurse, breathless.
Barely gasping for any of air that surrounds and suffocates my body.
You've done it again.  
You've taken my peace of mind
my empathy and pieces of me.


I've decided to look back at those before you and ask them to tell me what lessons I've failed.
They stare at me, blacked eyed like children.
Gagged up and stored in the back of the basememt.
Tattered and tarnished by countless floodings.
Drown and dried  over and over...
They give me no answers.

I lay here with a heart that melts out of it's cage.
A heart that melts through the cage of my ribs.

In my dreams, I try to eacape his tortue to get back to you.
I've climbed  stories, jumped over buildings, jumped into cars and bushes to get back to you.

And then, I lay awake.
Afraid of  waking adventures ahead of me.  
Afraid to ask you why and afraid even look.

I lay here lost and confused
60 hrs of emotional labor unpaid.