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Dean Feb 2019
I'm stuck in a black hole, itching to escape.
Your eyes are the center, tugging, pulling, holding me in.
I thought I could handle the lack of change:
Continuing to fall asleep on the phone,
Drifting into unconsciousness to the sound of your voice;
Reading to me in the dark.
An inhale of smoke, easing my stress
As eighties music plays inside with us on the back porch.
I thought I'd found a wormhole,
An ability to continue living this identical life to when you were once
...
mine.
But there is no wormhole to a broken heart.
I'm trying to move on but it's so, so hard.
Dean Feb 2019
shirt off, golden rays shining on pale skin.
my necklace,
turned backwards as i tossed and turned in the night.
your fingertips gracing my skin
as you undid the hook
and placed the jewelry on the bedside table.
i turned to see your face, eyes gleaming back at mine.

but it was just a dream,
and you’re turned away as i wake to snow outside.
so i cry silently as i wait for you to wake.
this happened this morning and i’ve never wanted a dream to continue more in a long time.
Dean Feb 2019
that a boy could be so pretty
Dean Feb 2019
we
we met when we were little, the world at our command.
we drifted for years, rejoicing when we once met again.
we were confused together, crying when we discovered we held the same secret.
we fell in love, at least, i did.
we held onto that love for years, a campsite i will truly never forget.
we drifted once more, a month i can never endure again.
i yelled over the phone, head pounding and voice tearing.
i dry heaved on the side of the road, hanging up.
i missed you.
i found you again, but it was always different.
and now
we grew up too fast
Dean Feb 2019
Sliding the glass up and open; I’m out,
Fluid, silent, smoke creeping through a crack.
Heavy air sits atop my chest, I shout
To the dreams that are never coming back.
But oh! Why must you leave after each night,
What, with the risk of never returning?
I crave your gleaming, and cry as I might
You leave me sitting in the rain, mourning.
And though the fireflies stay beside me,
The pit pat of driz’ling water up high,
And dew on the grass give me company,
Tis your constellations that catch my eye;
Easing me to sleep when you come to show,
I lay in slumber on the roof; you go.
I actually wrote an sonnet, following shakespearean rules both rhyming and syllable wise. I've very proud of this and it have an immense deep meaning to me.
Dedicated to: him
Dean Feb 2019
a song i play on the piano
a melody whose meaning can change with the tempo:
fast- for the autumn walks and sneaking out at 1 am,
holding hands and running in the rain to the gas station,
blaring our favorite music in the basement,
the world light and the scent of ***** in the air.
a pleasant high as we dance together.

but then i play it slow- for when i called you in the dusk,
dry heaving on the side of the road as i sobbed,
begging for the truth, pleading and weeping for just the truth,
hanging up when you finally do,
tears filling the streets as i scream,
i go home numb and put my headphones in,
ignoring the world for months.
i miss those nights, before...
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