I love you
But, for now, I need to not love you,
Until you wake,
Until you learn,
Until you finally and honestly realise
Who it is I am loving.
This is no merging of memories
That I have shaped into you.
This is you -
In your beauty,
In your cruelty,
Just as we are all beautiful and cruel.
And I could love all those things
Over and again.
But only when, one lonely midnight hour,
You lurch and scream with the pain you put in my heart.
When, one silent moment,
You weep at your own reflection.
You are not, never were,
The key to my worth, my growth
But neither am I yours.
Yet I was, always was,
Your truthful mirror.
Now you must be your own in my absence.
Until the fires smoke on the mountains,
Until the river runs cool on our skin,
Until you speak of your dark, your light,
Your purest blue
Your truest green.

Until then...

Whisper wings glide above
So close
That I feel
The displaced air
And hear
Was that a name
Or a song
I look east
But no sun rises
The ground trembles and I look down
Where the shattered shards
Of my distant past
Lay reforming at my feet

Somehow you have become
The sort of dream
That leaves me
With fingernail marks in my palms
Wondering what is and what isn't.

My mind turns you
From lover to stranger
And back again.
Over and over.

Cocooned it thrives
Dormant but alive
And pulsing so gently
With a tone barely heard
It grows yet stronger
Within the quiet space
That flows between
the blue and the green

There is a salty coldness
On this love that cannot float.
And when we most need
Sweetness and warmth
To tread water.

I'm with you right now
...next to you....
inside you
lighting up any of those dark corners.