You do not expect your nation to prosecute an illegal war
that dishonour is reserved for other countries
after all you are taught that you are the good guys
and everyone else on the planet is going to hell,
"God is on our side" they all shouted, and God buried his face in his hands.

“It’s the new sensation that’s gripping the nation!”
It is the greatest thing humanity has ever seen,
a phone with a touch screen…

Everyone has one now,
it’s as normal as having fingers
an extension of our arms.

Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr…
all have to be checked, watched, updated.
I have to spill my guts to a screen behind which hides strangers.

“I know you. from Facebook.”  That’s what they all say.
The thing is I don’t know you,
you are the person who found me through a mutual friend
a mutual friend of a mutual friend.

I don't know you,
You haven’t updated your feed in months.
you know me though.

Last week on twitter you saw I had posted that I was feeling depressed.
Two nights ago on Instagram that picture of me at a party
today at lunch, on Facebook I posted a tribute for my second cousin.
a mutual friend.

there is no sensation…
I have a callous on each of my fingertips
the overheating screen no longer burns my hands.
the glow no longer irritates my eyes.

The phone with a touch screen,
sending us information from all of time and space
From love and tragedy.
From the good and bad

Every day I post what happens in my life.
the good the bad and the ugly
as cliche as it is there is no other way to say it.

Everyday I read about other people’s happy endings and good deeds
I read about the people who have conquered the world’s evils.
then I open a new tab and read about the ones who lost.
The girl who gave into the need of some comfort and let him do it
The boy who believed that he was so unloved he jumped it
The girl who starved to death so she could be skinny in the casket
The boy who is hurt by his parents so he hurts others to make up for it
The girl who finds the razor behind the shelf in the bathroom and uses it
The boy who takes the drugs to escape it
The girl who goes to prison for stealing it
The children who don't know what to do.

Because that’s the truth,
this is what the phone has done.
we can’t feel anymore.
there is no emotion in a text message.
on social media.

there are only empty word of condolences and congratulations
the only honest thing online is hate
hate to another person because you can’t stand the idea
That they can still feel
and you lost that ability when you let the phone pull your soul out and dump it in a database
called Facebook, Instagram, and twitter.

They own you now,
they tell you what you are
who you are
and who you’re going to be.

the world’s greatest invention is what’s going to **** us.

I'm in denial
that I might have defiled
God’s great plan for me.

I can't write out what I really mean to say
All I can bring myself to do is cry and cry
Until I am breathless.

And I am ashamed of what I have done
I hold the most regret in my heart and feel the pain of my choice every single day

I wonder what you would look like
And what you would laugh like
And of what color your eyes and hair would be

And I just don't understand how I could ever be forgiven.

I wish so desperately I could go back and choose differently.
I become so angry now when I hear women and men talk about abortion
I want to scream and cry until I am drained.
I hold my stomach and wish I hadn't been so selfish

I wish I could hold you, every minute, every day
I wish I had you sleeping beside me with a sister you would have loved so dearly
And she would have loved you more than anything.
She would have protected you... Which is what I should have done.

It's been a year and a half. You would have been one soon.
Maybe walking by now.
I wonder if you still grew, with God up in heaven with all of the other millions of children who should have been here.
I wonder if you can see me and my tears.

You still consume my thoughts
As if you made your bed there and are forever sleeping..

I will never make peace with the decision I made.

when you wallow in the past, the past is your future
dark days behind become dark days ahead
when those ghosts become your rulers
join them, because you're already dead