As the sun swelters,
I wear the sky with clouds
to keep me light and breezy.

I wonder if people wonder
about me, and if I’m worth
remembering, when I’m projecting
my voice yet can barely hear
my piece over the weight of
the feast. Looking like a snack
won’t sate these beasts. It’s hard
to know your place–when you are
where you’re supposed to be, yet
feel like you don’t belong anywhere.
When the instant reaction to express
your heart lies locked in the spark of
executive dysfunction, and the moment
has wafted away like the lingering smell
stale of yesterday; inner-critique quelling
my own lips from yelling to command
a room’s attention. Not to mention my
vanity lies in personality, skill, intrigue
lack of chatter implies a vestige of depth
for one to sink beneath the surface
yet I wade in opaque waters, watching
reflections to learn just what it is
that ignites hearts that burn

I plan to unlock
untapped potential to reach
heights I've not yet known.

I will not attack
my lack of activity.
I am still alive.

Have you met my friend Shame?
He’s not really my friend, he’s kind of a **** actually
Yet I keep him around
He’s not the best company,
he really brings me down.
I don’t ask for his opinions, he just barks them at me
telling me you’re stupid, you ****
you’re not good at anything
you don’t care about anything, really
you’ll never be where you want to be
He hovers like the annoying office-space pusher
and drones on, and on, and on
about how it doesn’t matter if you feel good
because you’re never gonna be good
and how everything you do is inadequate
(compared to whom, I have no idea)
and everything you say is incorrect
(on what scale, I can’t imagine)
and how you will never be able to accept
what you think you deserve
because you don’t deserve anything
(how dysfunctional to say)
And while this nihilist is that and more,
I continue to bade in his company
Buying into his lines a little deeper each time
He has quite the convincing nature,
for he just keeps going on and on
He says I don’t deserve anything
I definitely don’t deserve this

Fall feelings are here...
orange outsides and green plants.
I've been here a while.

Procrastination
the greatest motivator,
eventually.