I'm sitting at the bottom of my shower feeling the cascading of the water on my face
Coping
Sometimes I pretend it's raining
And I sit there crying
Trying to convince myself that I'm fine
I let the rain hide my tears from myself

It's messed up
I know.
Don't think I don't know how messed up it is
I just need it now and then
I need to cry but I need to be convinced that I'm strong
That I can handle anything without shedding a tear
Weakness is the only thing I fear

Sullen clouds cry for the people
Watching and fidgeting above
Reign
With the power to turn happiness to drear
They rule
How cruel
Cloud the minds of the young
Electrify the disdain of the wealthy
Strike fear into every susceptible being on the humble lands below
But don't hit me
I'm standing in an open field with nothing around me
Just don't hit me

I was tricked
Baited
I bated
Searching for the dream that I was told about
That I was shown
Such happiness, however close to my grasp, will never be mine
Still I toil and think until I boil
Angry from the deception of a nation
Abomination
Exasperation
Bated breath
Stolen by the greedy who need to breathe more
Who need to just breathe
Lift that guilt right out of your mind
But never from your conscience
Greedy
Selfish
Cruel
Bullies

Contra is my mantra
Walking contradiction
Comfort in contrast
Contracting the human disease day by day

Fighting hard and losing
But persisting
Resistance of assistance
Shake and bake until I'm high enough to lose my breath
Breath taking view
Atop the peaks of irresponsibility
Giving no ****
Consequences?
**** em
Back lash?
Bat your lashes and slither your way out of it
Love?
Who needs it when you've got the attention of all the sinners
An angel among them
Freezing in the arctic pinnacle of hell
One at a time their cold hearts freeze them from the inside

I crave friendship
Companionship
Love
Acceptance

I search for anyone who may reciprocate
I attempt to connect
I always fail

Once
Just once I hope to succeed
And find in someone the closest friend I could've ever hoped to make

I know I'll wait an eternity
No one ever steps up to the plate
Everyone is too scared to swing first
God forbid you miss
Take that ******* risk
What's there to lose?
Only something you never actually had
And if you win...

I have grown content with the notion that I will be the only one that will understand me
And even I don't fully accept myself
Tweaks here and there
Things I constantly want to fix or change or eliminate completely
Just give up and conform already

Never.

I'm not looking for tight hugs or long kisses or even loving eyes
I'm looking for a place, rather, a person to feel connected to
Is that person you?

It's crazy how things build up
How quick your emotions get the better of you
After years of suppression
The depression
Closing in on you
Tighter then Joan River's face
Realer than....
****
What's real anymore?
No answer
Lost
Everything
It's all just so lost

My eyes glow tonight
Brighter than the moon
Greener than the trees
Sadder than the rain

They glow brighter tonight
With memories I stumbled upon
With pain from those days
With all the anger and hate

They glow brighter than happiness
More than when they dance with joy
More than when I smile
More than when I am happiest

They glow tonight
And show such darkness
And reveal so much pain
And extract things I buried