I'm speaking to you,
My hero,
Won't you answer my questions?
Why must I keep
A silent voice
And do as the world pleases?
I do not have it in me
To hear another preach
Or another speech.

Why am I caught in between
The good and evil
in me?
Is it because
you were never a hero to me
From the start?
Or maybe I never needed
You in my heart.

A mass delusion
Is all I see
While I'm fighting the demons
I have hiding inside me.
The savior I need
Has drowned in an epic sea.
- A&G

I find myself spiraling
Into a pit of anxiety
Every time my control
Is snatched away
Every time someone else
Takes charge
And says
'Leave it to me'
My heart pumps faster
My chest feels tight
My leg starts to shake
And I can't trust people
To do the right thing
One part of my mind
Believes they mean well
And will help me
But the other part
The irrational part
Will lead me elsewhere
Down a path of despair
And anxiety
Coming up with scenarios
That would never happen
In a million years
But anything seems possible
When you have no control

The urge to
write a new piece
it comes up
like the feeling you get
right before you're about
to throw up
in the back seat
of a bad idea

but it's not all bad
you always feel better after
well, right after
anyways

then you sip some water
close your eyes
say never again

but that's the whole
fun of it,
after all

As she sunk down to depths of herself
Her arms were weak and fragile just like her spirt.
She was close to letting go of the only pieces
of herself that made her happy.

Then... Suddenly he was there.
He pulled her up from her drowning state
even when her eyes her full of her pain.
Miles separated them as did years.. and yet
he was  simply there.

He claimed he was just a guy...
but to her... he was so much more
He had in a few days time help mend the
tattered and torn expections of friendships
and even unknowingly helped her stitch up
some of the wounds that covered her back and her heart.

She didn’t know that friends existed.. not like this one
She told him he was wonderful
and he told her she was amazing
and for one of the first times in her life she believed the words

Thanks and compliments seemed to poor from her heart
and for once she didn’t breath so heavy
with the counting the number of days before his departure
but simply opened herself up
and let part of the little girl out that she had trapped there long ago.

She found she wasn’t so angry and
the fear didn’t eat her like it use to.
blushing over took her cheeks
and smiles spread across her lips like
a pink rose in the midst of spring

She couldn’t help but feel good inside and out
when they talked
and hearing his voice for even seconds was better.
She knew with this person
she had found not only a friend
but  a brother
someone who gave a **** about her.
Who saved from herself.
Or maybe helped her save herself.
Which she wasn’t sure.

All she knew as that she once thought
that finding a person to click with was rare. 
And now she knew that the real challege was finding someone
how you bonded with and connected with..
Who was willing to give more than take.
And that’s what she found.
She could’nt see the greatness in herself  
but he could.
Prehaps he couldn’t see what hid within himself
but she could.
For once in her life she was okay with the world not being perfect
and prehaps for the first time as well she let herself go.

He did so much for her by just being herself..
but in the end the best thing he ever did to her
was love his friend for who she was.

A fool, a fool I am.
How is sharing my stupid life supposed to help me?
It is only a temporary fix, only a scam.
This pain is stuck with me, it is a guaranty.

Made from the flames of my past.
It has evolved to the point that going to the root is no use.
Intertwined with my soul I realize at last.
Only way to fix it permanently I guess is with a noose.

It is not time for that yet,
so I must deal with this pain, I would be lying if I said it is no sweat.