And I wonder if it's all worth it.
Honestly, I really do.
But then I think about the times I would have missed
if the pills would've worked.
I think about the hands that I wouldn't have
been able to hold today.
How grateful am I to call them my friends?
Even through the slicing words and the
burning eyes,
I am still happy to be alive to know that
they are here.
I also think about the realizations I wouldn't have had.
My ego, which is something I've honestly never noticed before,
has gotten the best of me.
My pride is all but too strong.
But if who I am is nothing but of myself,
then I am nothing.
I think about your eyes and
how I wouldn't get to look into them once in awhile
like I do now.
I may not get the up close view of them,
but hey, at least I'm still able to see.
And I even think about my heart.
My heart has hardened a lot more in its attempts to
protect itself from everything going on.
That's probably the worst thing that you can do.
It makes you lazy, it makes you not care, and it even makes you
forget how to love.
God,
Help. Help us, help me, help everyone who has hardened their hearts and have forgotten how to love freely. I am learning to show the joy you have put into my heart that has been pouring out of me as of late.
I don't know what your plan is and I do not know what you want me to do in the situations that I am in now, but I know that with You, I can do everything and anything that You put into my heart.
As long as it is not hardened, I can give and accept the love that you have poured out into me. Thank you for the life you have given me, I will keep trying, I promise.
Amen
But if who I am is nothing but of myself,
then I am nothing.
At the end is a prayer (kind of?) I was making up today during Mass while reflecting. I was starting to tear up and its probably the second time in a few weeks that I've felt something really strongly. You're pushing me into a direction that I'm not sure I can follow, but if Mary said Yes, then I need to make that choice too.