1.I miss the way you laughed at my singing because you felt I always "tried too hard."

2. I miss you giving me the cold shoulder. It meant you cared. But now it means something else.

3. I miss how awake and alert you are in the morning. I miss pushing you and your too much energy self off because I wasn't awake enough yet.

4. I miss your sarcastic jokes that were always followed by a hug and a "I love you" with a chuckle.

5. I miss how silly our conversations were. We talked about everything and anything. You would say "How the hell did the universe come up with you?"

6. I miss the more deep conversations. You looked at the ground while my fingertips drew circles on your back. Your eyes would close and you slowed your breathing. I miss the stillness and that silence. Theres nothing I wouldn't give to trade this silence for that silence.

7. I miss the play fighting. I remember one time someone said "At first, I thought you guys were being serious but then I saw the way he looked at you." If only you could look at me like that again. Like nothing else mattered.

8. I miss your arms and the way it made me feel like I spent all of my life being in the wrong places. The only place, the one place, I belonged was in your arms.

9. I miss your awful jokes. I miss laughing not because I thought it was funny but because you said it and nothing made my heart feel more joy than you.

10. I miss you. I miss the amount of pride I felt standing next to you. I miss the fighting and the screaming and the slamming doors and the making up and the heartache and the pain. It was everything and nothing. It was painful but wonderful. It was all that I imagined love to be. I can't seem to say goodbye but I know you want me to.

No one cares I am not okay today this is not okay I look at what I love I want to destroy something rip it to pieces and never let anyone know and maybe then I shall be happy I shall be at peace because I’ll know that the snobbish will have been destroyed not death but life I will grant her Life the worst disease a disease incurable the only disease we will never be able to cure no matter how far science comes and that’s why science is ******* because it will never cure what kills the most
and no death is not a cure for life because they say life keeps going afterwards and I believe that I think I do I think I am I am I am true to myself that’s why I protect my faith will God grant me heaven or is there more on Earth and nothing can ever be perfect since if I die in an awful way how will I know how I died in heaven if heaven is a place with no pain and if I can’t remember my death how will I be able to remember my family and my love how I loved her I did I loved her very much but I am afraid of her now because she cries at night and hates me because I loved her even though she desired love and that’s what I gave unto her I blessed her with love but she hates me and everyone hates me and I take walks to know I am okay and that’s is why I must get rid of beauty not her beauty but of her life’s beauty and she is her life not herself but Her her she is what made her not love me me but her and how crazy I drive and I take walks when where who what why why could she just not love me there is nothing wrong with me I will stomp I will roar calm me mother calm me sing me a lullaby
the fan screams as the clock strikes five she screams she screams she screams hateandlove
I love her with the passion of one million suns

you're extravagant sky lifts
   gravity
           dies
                together we will
                                 fly

influence can find its way through love and life
writing and power becoming sanctified in a holy box
from you're never going to get anywhere to get on the floor put your hands up
kicked down beaten down with words
somehow between the mix a hero ascended
words and power in fortythree lines
and on and forward (Olaf) sends us into eternity

one day perhaps the words will end
but never can i stop reading them
for if it wasn't for you I would have never started writing poetry
or prose or anything and that's why i need to regard you as a hero
my hero

dear e.e
thank you for creating me anew
i honestly, to any man living or dead, owe my life to you

because I would be nowhere without your words that go on into the Infinite.

the night sky echoes on
holy
holy
holyart
thou
with my eyes closed i can think i can know what
is
r-al
not
so much so that

in a sea of a million people
i am alone
no lies no truth begun to become blown much out of
proportion


whatever may come to breathe to feel
intelligence iq has nothing to do with anything anymore

oh god
i feel it all blasted right through the wall
come back to me
come back
come back to me
come back
let it all
let it all in

i’ve waited forever it seems
patiently being pateint
waiting i know i’ve never stopped writing about this moment
of pure bliss and joy and happiness and i would never have to worry
everything would be ahead of me
but no
as usual i’m let down and forgotten
and i know i must not be worth fighting for (that’s what kills)

i never wished to love forever
but what i never want always seems to come true
i broke through the wall alright
there’s no doubt

there’s also no time to cry
or shout
in the morning it will all be changed

there’s more i know there’s more because there’s is more Yes there is More

i choose to Live

i want this I need it
I want this i need it no
I want this I need it not
(no)
i want this i need it now oh god i need it now please listen hear my

i want this-i need it now to breathe to feel to see to come and conquer
let my life be known and uncollected (travesty)
well everyone's higher i go lower
i run the race just a little bit slower
dance on and dance on and dance on

spiraling circle heed my witness now
dancing on to the night from dusk till dawn
everybody dances everybody does it why don't you why don't you just do this for once
tryittrytrytrydancing
you'll love it
circle wheel's broken mother
i can't fix it no
                       longer
but i try
so hard
dance on into the wind

how am i supposed to love this if the benefits don't come to me
i can not go to my own environment and expect this to come to be
for me for whatever i am stop everyone stop trying to tell me
i don't want to be in this race this environmental stimulation
(oh god hear my)
i no longer want to be labeled stamped thrown in a box and shipped
no matter how far away no matter how many tears
dance on dance on spinning circle
christ it is the little things that soothe or stab
(take a nab at it, eh boy?)
please
you just don't understand how no matter what
you will not understand
fightdancelovefightdancelove/circleroundsmile
i scream a silent scream in(two) the mist
eh boy
little boy
so much to learn
i am done being labeled)
little
boy

little
i was little....

once

please

hear my everything

i pine away i pine away i am most definitely pinning away

dear god
i was thinking about it the other day
the dying the sickness the hunger
the one person getting hurt equaling a million prayers
yet the boys and girls being thrown in the basement bruised and battered get nothing

i've been praying for sixteen going on seventeen years
and what do i get
little
but the years before fourteen meant little
every year after meant a lot
my heart and soul went into hoping war would end and children would thrive
and she would fight for me

but alas
none of this came true

children starve and are beaten
women are *****
men are murdered
unthinkable acts of violence must go unseen because we worry about the small things

so verily verily i give unto you, this time, my final prayer
an echo a dream of space and the universe
of peace and love of literature and poetry
of songs sung loudly proof proof i need proof
i want her to love me
not anyone else because that will not be true
and even though i say this over and over again
that all i want is some peace of mind and some attraction to last throughout eternity
i figure, knowing you (for the most part)
nothing will come through and I'll be left here to fight in the Nothing

keep a man with two billion dollars safe and sound, though
you're good at that